Do I have the right to be angry?

People say I'm a very angry person, but I wonder if sometimes I have the right to be angry.

My mates and I have been going to the gym for around 6 months together but I'm the only person with a day job. We have a set time of 2pm to go to the gym but that changes almost every day depending on a lot of different things. The thing that annoys me is that I'm always the one who has to force a set time from the two of them while they don't bother giving me the same courtesy even though they know that I have to move my schedule around for them. So today, I had enough. I said it was unfair, that we started going to the gym together to motivate and help each other but they're only willing to work around their own schedules and not mine. Maybe I should just take it as a hint that they don't want to go to the gym with me at all..

Progression

I think I've let my anger take control of me. I think going back to this blog is a good thing. I've read some of my earlier writings and didn't realise how much of a little shit I was/am. I think the only positive about this is that I feel as if I've definitely progressed since my younger, angrier days. I don't really have much an opinion on a lot of things anymore. I feel like it's been beaten out of me but at the same time, I'm glad it has.

I still have my opinions I think, but the younger me had a lot more energy to deal with these things. Maybe one day I'll find my fighting spirit again.

My Death

I stopped writing this blog in much happier days. I was with the man of my dreams and everything was going my way. I graduated from my bachelors and undertook a phd. It has now been 3 years since then and I'm plagued with depression once more. So many things have happened since then and I have tried setting up other blogs but haven't had the capacity to stick with it. I suffered... am suffering from severe depression now. I think it has been at least a year while coping with the loss of my relationship, my family's inability to continue supporting my phd and only getting a masters instead. Yes, only. I know it sounds ungrateful but it took a long time to deal with not having the same opportunities as my siblings have had. And I know I'll need to make it on my own from now on and that's okay.

But in death comes rebirth, for me hopefully and since I cannot afford weekly visits to a psychiatrist (I'm still an international student, with little to no health benefits despite paying an exorbitant amount of money for insurance AND extras cover) I'm going to resort to this blog again. I do hope and believe that the power of the mind is powerful and at the very least I can take out my frustrations onto this page and pray that it helps me in some way. At the very least, I'll have a chronicle of my own self destruction. This self is not me, I am not this pathetic excuse for a person. I just got offered a brilliant position in an esteemed laboratory. I finished a post graduate degree. I am not an idiot, I am not stupid and I am not crazy. I just got lost and now I have to find my way back. I hope my story helps someone else out there, like me.