Let Children Breathe Your Smoke

Do I have the right to be angry?

2012-01-24T16:08:00.000+11:00

People say I'm a very angry person, but I wonder if sometimes I have the right to be angry.

My mates and I have been going to the gym for around 6 months together but I'm the only person with a day job. We have a set time of 2pm to go to the gym but that changes almost every day depending on a lot of different things. The thing that annoys me is that I'm always the one who has to force a set time from the two of them while they don't bother giving me the same courtesy even though they know that I have to move my schedule around for them. So today, I had enough. I said it was unfair, that we started going to the gym together to motivate and help each other but they're only willing to work around their own schedules and not mine. Maybe I should just take it as a hint that they don't want to go to the gym with me at all..

Progression

2012-01-16T01:20:00.000+11:00

I think I've let my anger take control of me. I think going back to this blog is a good thing. I've read some of my earlier writings and didn't realise how much of a little shit I was/am. I think the only positive about this is that I feel as if I've definitely progressed since my younger, angrier days. I don't really have much an opinion on a lot of things anymore. I feel like it's been beaten out of me but at the same time, I'm glad it has.

I still have my opinions I think, but the younger me had a lot more energy to deal with these things. Maybe one day I'll find my fighting spirit again.

My Death

2012-01-13T03:03:00.000+11:00

I stopped writing this blog in much happier days. I was with the man of my dreams and everything was going my way. I graduated from my bachelors and undertook a phd. It has now been 3 years since then and I'm plagued with depression once more. So many things have happened since then and I have tried setting up other blogs but haven't had the capacity to stick with it. I suffered... am suffering from severe depression now. I think it has been at least a year while coping with the loss of my relationship, my family's inability to continue supporting my phd and only getting a masters instead. Yes, only. I know it sounds ungrateful but it took a long time to deal with not having the same opportunities as my siblings have had. And I know I'll need to make it on my own from now on and that's okay.

But in death comes rebirth, for me hopefully and since I cannot afford weekly visits to a psychiatrist (I'm still an international student, with little to no health benefits despite paying an exorbitant amount of money for insurance AND extras cover) I'm going to resort to this blog again. I do hope and believe that the power of the mind is powerful and at the very least I can take out my frustrations onto this page and pray that it helps me in some way. At the very least, I'll have a chronicle of my own self destruction. This self is not me, I am not this pathetic excuse for a person. I just got offered a brilliant position in an esteemed laboratory. I finished a post graduate degree. I am not an idiot, I am not stupid and I am not crazy. I just got lost and now I have to find my way back. I hope my story helps someone else out there, like me.

Hi Everyone Again

2010-02-19T16:28:00.003+11:00

I'm sure I've lost most of my readers as I haven't even updated my blog in over half a year. I feel at this stage, I am at breaking point again so I'm starting a new blog that will be completely anonymous just so the real life friends or family cannot read it and be completely annoying about the whole affair. Any of my old readers who're here are welcome to message me and I'll give you the address. Speak soon.

No, I haven't forgotten!

2009-06-09T20:42:00.002+10:00

My computer's broken down at home and I've got no time at work to do a post. Normally. Today's slightly different, today I thought to say fuck you advancement of prostate cancer information. Fuck you, because I've given up my time and life to research you and now, now I want 5 minutes to write a fucking blog post.

What's happened so far? I found a new bf, I'm doing my masters and the time it's taking up makes me feel like stabbing my insides. I know for a fact that I'd rather be doing this or slicing people open than a plain office job but it still gets to me though. I want to be free, just reading a book and all the things being a university student used to allow me time to afford.

Maybe it's because my project's the same like the other post-docs and phD students which is why my brain's starting to fold. It's not that I cannot handle it, if this were my only job there would be no issue. Just try juggling your full time office work job plus a part time job, it sucks. Balls. Which is mainly why I haven't been posting, yet again. I find that there are other things in life to do, unfortunately, I have something to bitch about which is why we're here today.

We all check emails from the office computer and sometimes, or most of the time, my mother sends me religious or scientific forwarded mail that makes me want to quit university and become a hippie. It seems like not many laymen seem to care about scientific fact. You get a lot of emails from supposed experts who know nothing about the DAMNED TOPIC ANYWAY! How do I know this? You think I spent the last 6 months in a top cancer lab and not know anything about cancer?! ARGH!!! In anger, I wrote a reply, line by line to my mother about this advice against cancer.

Some things I thought I'd clear up :

Milk causes cancer? (No, it hasn't been explicitly shone although I can see how you can come to that conclusion. Milk contains hormones that may cause a hormonal imbalance when eaten which may cause cancer)
Eggs, chicken, etc cause cancer. (Eh, nothing except a few specifically carcinogenic compounds have actually been shown to cause cancer. Two of them are, lead and ethidium bromide)
Soy helps prevent cancer (Actually, soy and some other legume has been known to actually cause cancer in some studies. So you know, merf)
If I stop doing A, I will not get cancer. (Wrong, cancer is such a ridiculously loosely used term by laymen. The thing is, cancer cells are mutated cells. These mutated cells may happen through a myriad of different reasons, all contributive to the CHANCE of getting a mutation. Not only that, it depends where the mutation has occurred and how extensive the mutation is. If you walk around and are completely healthy, the chance of you getting cancer is still there just by walking in the sun.)

The aging vs cancer theory. The more you age, the higher the likelihood of getting cancer. Why is this? Well, whenever your cells divide, you lose a small bit of your DNA. After awhile, this loss may exacerbate or cause a mutation. Not only the loss, but just the act of division itself, in time a likelihood of cancer develops.

I wonder if I can apply mathematical probability to this. As in, say you have a 1 in 10 chance of getting cancer every month. (In real terms, it's a lot higher) So, in 12 months, how would that calculate? I haven't touched a math book in years so I'm hoping one of you can help me out. Cheerio, that's my rant for the day.

Bah!

2009-03-15T02:15:00.003+11:00

Once again, I haven't been posting. Posts are getting more and more irregular. I might have to close this blog down, I just don't have time for it at the moment. I've been pretty lost since I broke up with ev last october and I'm slowly successfully starting to put the pieces back together. I've started my research masters, I've finally found a new place to live that allows me to keep my cat as well. I think I might have started seeing somebody, which is just great. So yeah. That's my update. Soz guys, I'll try to keep this blog alive. Try!

Florida court sets atheist holy day‏

2009-02-12T17:37:00.002+11:00

I just received this email from my mother. Just, please, read it.

> > In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming
> > Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to
> > bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and
> > observances of their holy days.
> >
> > The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no
> > such recognized days. The case was brought before a judge.
> > After listening to the passionate presentation by the
> > lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case
> > dismissed!"
> >
> > The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling
> > saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this
> > case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The
> > Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah; yet my client
> > and all other atheists have no such holidays."
> >
> > The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you
> > do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
> > The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any
> > special observance or holiday for atheists."
> >
> > The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April
> > Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his
> > heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this
> > court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool.
> > Therefore, April 1st is his day.
> > Court is adjourned.
> >
> > You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!

Oh, ha. Ha. Ha. How... Amusing. Anyway, I know this is bogus and ridiculously stupid. The thing that bothers me about it though, is that religious people actually read this garbage. You think this is a one off case of my stupid mother? Nope, it's not. Attending an Anglican school for 10 years and a Catholic school for 1 has made me realise that a lot of christians actually do listen to this bullshit. Ridiculous stories like these give them comfort and solace.

Here's another ridiculously stupid story I remember from my childhood. A particular vice principal of a particular secondary school in Singapore read out this story during assembly.

"An old woman had 10 gold coins and she counted them every day. They were so precious to her, blablabla. She lost one of them and turned her house upside down trying to find that one last gold coin. So she ended up spending 8 gold coins to find that 1 gold coin. Eventually, somehow, she found it and all was well."

Um, okay.

10-1=9
9-8=1
1+1=2

Right. So... When she could have had 9, she ended up having 2. Very smart, the moral of the story was that god will do anything to bring you back to the fold. Um... I can't even begin to tell you how ridiculously stupid I think this all is.

Another one from some pastor, or something.

"When I was your age, I did not believe in god. I thought he was a stupid concept and refused to believe him. Then my life started going badly, a lot of horrible things happened to me and I went and thought, why not try praying. I said, in my own room, "God, if you really exist, can you please send me a sign?" And then I felt this heat in my chest, and it kept growing and filling me from head to toe and I could see a bright light. It started getting brighter and brighter and I said, "Oh dear lord, I believe you exist, please forgive me for doubting you." And from then on, I believed."

Yes, I believe that experience is called heroin. You were taking heroin, you fucking junky. I wouldn't be surprised if the blood of christ or whatever has some mild-acting, short half-life version of lsd. How else do you explain the idiots speaking in tongues? The very fact of the matter is, whether this is believable or not, you can't expect someone else to convert into your faith via the very fact that you somehow have had a personal experience and your suspicions have been confirmed but you expect other people to have faith?

Hi, listen to me because I know.
How do you know?
I've seen shit.
Okay, well, I haven't.
You have to have faith.
How bout you get on your back, think of jesus and shut the hell up. I'm not paying you to talk to me.

Sigh, I'm too bored?

Hmmm...?

2009-02-12T13:53:00.002+11:00

Maybe I'm just really bad at taking criticism?

I don't know, another thing that annoys me are feminists. They obviously don't understand that the whole reason why this movement started was because women weren't treated EQUALLY. This does not translate to women being treated BETTER. Realistically, if this whole equality of the sexes should occur, obviously there must be some considerations as to the areas that different sexes are stronger in. That noted, it really shouldn't be hard for women to integrate themselves within the work force. You've just got to be expected to be treated equally. EQUALLY.

You can't expect to bat your eyelids and get better treatment than everyone else. Of course I understand the benefits of doing so, but if people aren't willing to give you that extra little bit, you shouldn't expect it then. Plus they tend to have these massive hissy fits when not treated better as well, blah. Go fuck yourself.

Yeap, I should keep my mouth shut? Nah...

2009-02-10T17:36:00.002+11:00

Yeah fuck you man, seriously. When I last spoke to the guy, he said it was frighteningly honest. He can't believe that it's out in the open and on my facebook profile so openly. I honestly don't see what the big deal is. I am who I am, and I'm not afraid of it. Sure some shit things have happened, and I've dealt with some really heavy stuff for someone my age but life goes on and I've dealt with it, or am in the process of it. I don't feel the need to hide the real person I am away from the world. And although this sounds obnoxious, maybe you shouldn't either.

Quality vs Quantity...

2009-02-06T12:46:00.002+11:00

I'm sorry, once again, for being so shit. I know I keep saying that I'll keep up with the posts but I've been so busy! I'm trying to squeeze in this research project I'm doing plus bar work which is the gayest thing of all time. Enough about that though.

Last night a friend told me about how he started reading my blog and found it the most narcissistic, boring thing ever. I can deal with the narcissistic, obviously having a blog where you voice out your opinions to the whole world is self-indulgent but BORING!? It's true though, my blog standards have dropped really low. It doesn't receive half as much readership as it used to and it's my fault. I also haven't written anything cool in ages, just been pretty gay after the break up and then having no time just makes it all the worse.

I can't help it though, I just keep thinking that Ev still reads this so I can't post up as much shit as I'd like to? Meh, peace guys

So naughty, I'm sorry

2009-01-13T00:26:00.002+11:00

I've just been really busy, but I'll quickly type something here.

My one criticism of Richard Dawkins:

I have nothing but respect for the man, but one of his arguments in his book, "The God Delusion" irritated me to no end. While a scientist is held in high regard, where he is able to determine what's true based on evidence and his own judgment, I see no reason why famous name-dropping of intellectual people should be used as an argument to convert into the philosophy of atheism. I find this quite laughable, even though it is but a small segment of his book and by no means overshadows his brilliance.

Should the people who believe in the same things you do, change your own opinion?

Short note, will write more about it later.

Detached Responsibility

2008-10-20T19:09:00.003+11:00

This issue still bothers me a lot, we seem to be filled with the whole "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. Obviously there are only a certain number of things that may occupy our time and therefore it is important to prioritise and do what we can. Does this have to affect the amount of time spent on merely considering the thought once in awhile?

Just the very thought is mind boggling, we don't really know what happens around the world beyond what we are informed. A few examples of these are the diamond trade, MNCs exploiting third world countries, even something as minute as animal rights in slaughterhouses. Surely I am aware that there is no way I can do anything about these problems individually but obviously a difference may be made if we all somehow boycotted these industries. Fat hope, I hate hippies anyway and my Nikes look awesome on my feet. I guess I've somehow accepted how the fact that these things will happen and that I have indirectly allowed for it to happen. This is what it means to have detached responsibility.

I suppose the only thing I can do that is close to the stated problems is kill my own meat. People say hunting is a barbaric sport when there is readily sliced up and cleaned meat available in the local supermarket. Granted. However, the very fact that somebody else has taken full responsibility for taking the animal's life is ridiculous. It annoys me to no end when I hear people are willing to eat the meat but not kill the animal. Detached responsibility is one thing, complete delusion is another. Why aren't you able to look a fellow animal in the eye and take its life? Perhaps killing your own meat will give one a greater appreciation for the life it has lost in order to feed oneself.

That's another thing, just the very fact that you're so used to seeing slabs of meat instead of real animals that the lives given mean almost nothing to you. I'd assume only vegetarians think about these sort of things, that's fine.

I hate vegetarians.

Take responsibility people, if you are responsible for something, at least openly admit it. The only way these things happen is if it is profitable to do so.

Status Update

2008-10-19T23:21:00.002+11:00

I thought I'd be bitter, but I'm not. All that's happened is all well and good and I treasure the time spent. At least all ties cut to the past are gone, for the first time since I left my country, I'm finally free to start over again, and I'm doing a real good job of it.

Last night was the first time in a long time that I was able to completely be honest about my past. I was able to fully talk about it with a good friend and that felt really good. I really love how my life is now and I don't really want to change it. I recognise that there are some things I need to work on, but I'm healing and getting better and that is fine.

Bah, I hate these self-healing freaking posts. So stupid, honest to god.

Number One Giant Shitter

2008-10-11T15:44:00.002+11:00

Such are the facts of life, ever since I got single things have been really weird. Long time male friends suddenly behaving in a completely different way, which is fucking annoying to me. Excuse me? I thought we had a friendship going on, was the only reason why you even spoke to me in the first place was because you wanted to bang me? Am I to assume that platonic friendships are really that freaking rare?

Then again, obviously the more attractive you are, the more likely people would want to interact with you in the first place. Granted. However, would you keep the charade up for more than a couple of years or would you put on lay-by. Yeap, I'll be friends with her until at some point she notices I have a penis she can use, and by then it'll be sweet as.

I'm not saying I'm like the most super attractive person in the world, but going from attached to single is so weird. People just treat you so differently. Bleh

I've been a bad girl

2008-10-08T17:42:00.002+11:00

I'm terribly sorry everyone, I really haven't been blogging half as regularly as I used to. A lot of shit has happened in the past month, not that it hasn't been happening before that. I've since left my boyfriend of 2 years and moved out of our old house. I actually only really started writing after I got together with him, 2 years ago but oh well, shit happens, I guess.

Nothing much else has been happening with me, I'm just doing some housework on my life and after my exams I'll think about getting this blog up and running again. Please be patient with me, I do not mean to be so tardy. I'm considering moving my blog somewhere else now too, we'll see how it goes. Anyway, to make up for being a tool, here's a mini post below:

What is peace? Is peace just being able to walk freely without the fear of getting stabbed in the face? Is it not being in a war? Is it a period of economic growth? The thing is, for peace to occur in the first place, a governing body must write the laws. Wouldn't that mean that any sort of protest against whatever that particular governing body is doing would be a disturbance of the peace therefore, the peace isn't all it's cracked out to be. We should only be happy about the peace if the people had power, but then how would they get power if they didn't disrupt the peace somehow? I'll never know.

Maybe we should change the definition of peace to: A state of complete obedience to the higher authorities.

Bah - Bitchy Bartender Part 1

2008-09-06T13:58:00.003+10:00

It's been ages and I do apologize. I've been working heaps and doing other activities on weeknights as well so I barely have enough time for myself let alone updating my blog. Heh. Yes, I know that's no excuse, it's not cool to just disappear for long periods of time. Anyway I've been wanting to do a bartender bitch post for awhile and I think last night really warranted it so... Here I go.

Wait before I begin, I love working at the bar. It's an awesome job and you get to meet a lot of cool people albeit for a very short amount of time. They pay me to pour your drinks but I like providing good bar service because it means everyone enjoys their night. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way.

How to get shitty service:

1) Don't tip

Come on, I'm human. I'm not saying you have to tip all the time but we do appreciate it a lot. I don't expect everyone to tip but don't come to the bar asking for excessive favours without compensating us for the extra service. What? Minimum wage sucks. You get even less points for spitting in the tip jar or putting rubbish in it. Not cool.

2) On a really busy night, wave your money in front of the bar staff's face to get their attention.

Yes, that will get my attention but everyone else was waiting just as long as you were or even more. You are not important enough to me to treat any better than anyone else. Unless that 50 bucks you're waving is destined for my own pocket and not for your own alcoholic pleasure, you're waiting in line just like everyone else.

3) Abuse the bar staff. (Note: I said abuse)

Australian bartenders are required to undergo a course called the Responsible Service of Alcohol (RSA). Unfortunately, we do not have breathalyzers everywhere so the government relies on certified professionals, like myself, to judge whether a person has had enough alcohol or not. I would assume boisterous, loud, uninhibited and irrational behaviour falls under the category of intoxicated. :)

4) Ask for favours that are directly in violation with the venue's licensing.

When I say no double shots, I MEAN NO DOUBLE SHOTS! And, ok, your tip isn't enough to make me want to lose my job for you. Sorry.

5) On a ridiculously busy night, where the line is at least 10 people deep across the entire bar, be indecisive.

I'm not even going to go there. You end up annoying not just me, but everyone else in the line behind you.

6) Ask for one drink then change your mind once it's made and saying you ordered something completely different.

Vodka orange sounds very different to a midori lemonade. If you change your mind then say so, don't wait once I repeat the order to you and finish making the drinks before you tell me you want something else. Of course mistakes do happen and I'm the first one to admit that, but you watched me make the drinks plus I repeated the order to you before I made it.

7) Steal from my tip jar.

It's like stealing from charity man, not cool.

8) Assume I can't speak English because I'm Asian.

Fuck you, that annoys me more than anything else. You don't have to be white or grow up in a "Western" country to speak good English.

That said, everyone goes out to have a good time and we will serve you with a smile but obviously if you treat someone like shit, they will feel like shit and that isn't very nice.

Linda Perry - In My Dreams

2008-08-19T01:07:00.002+10:00

Everything's worthwhile
In my dreams I ran a thousand miles
And everybody worshiped me
In my dreams
Hate meant just to smile
And the pain never bothered me
I want everything
Everything I want
There's no room to turn me upside down
In my dreams
I built my own empire
With no color and no creed
In my dreams
I think I had to find
All the things that weren't complete
I want everything
Everything I want
There's no room to turn me
Upside down
I want everything, everything I want
Yeah, yeah
There's no time to turn me upside down.
I want everything, Everything I want
There's no room to turn me upside down
I want everything
Everything I want
Yeah, yeah
There's no room to turn me upside
Yeah yeah yeah, ohh...
I want everything
Everything I want
There's no room to turn me upside down
In my dreams
I ran a thousand miles
And everybody worshiped me

4 Non Blondes - What's Up? (Live)

2008-08-16T14:15:00.008+10:00

Everyone should know this song!

What A Different Crowd

2008-08-15T16:21:00.002+10:00

I recently went to Splendour in the Grass at Byron Bay and although there weren't many bands that I knew and liked, I have to say I discovered a lot of new bands and thoroughly enjoyed myself. One of the main reasons for this is just the crowds at splendour. At one point, I was so deep in the crowd for one of the shows and it was so packed that I got really light headed. I was scared shitless that I might have fainted and gotten trampled so I rushed out. The good thing was while rushing out, people saw that I was obviously in distress and helped me out. Something like that has never happened to me back home. If anyone ever sees anyone else in trouble, nobody bothers to help them. I just thought that was something really different about the Australian people.

The second awesome thing that happened to me was when this bunch of guys started getting rowdy and having fun. They were pushing me around a little but I didn't mind too much. I mean, you're in a festival, it's obvious that you won't have as much personal space as normal. All right, the awesome thing was that one of the guys saw that they were pushing into me a lot and told his friends to just go a little further away. When it got a lot more squished, he maintained his distance from me while ensuring that people to the side and the front wouldn't push me. I still get amazed when people act like decent human beings. You'd think that everyone should behave decently but they don't. It gave me some hope in humanity, that people were willing to help perfect strangers for no reason beyond just helping someone else out.

Kudos to you guys, if you happen to stumble upon my blog while searching for splendour stuff. I'll buy you a beer next year.

All Right, That's Enough Now

2008-08-14T17:20:00.002+10:00

All right, I'm openly admitting that I've been feeling pretty shitty over the last couple of weeks. I seem to be in this perpetual state of depression and I don't know what the hell I should do about it. It's getting pretty hard to post how I really feel on this blog, just due to the fact that a lot of people I know read it and it's not like I want all of you to worry but the whole purpose of this blog was as an outlet so, if this or even future posts sound a little depressing just bear with it for awhile.

On a happier note, I snatched a laboratory project researching the effects of brain modulation on sound sources. Yes, I is geek.

Anyway, I've made countless mistakes in my short lifespan, most of them happening since I left Singapore and started on my own. I knew that I'd make mistakes, I just didn't know that I'd make so many with things that really mattered to me. I thought I knew what I was doing, rather, I thought I knew how to handle situations but obviously I was too young and too stubborn to realise the hole I was digging myself into.

I guess I've gotten slightly wiser since then. Slightly, nah, not really. I don't know if there's any way to make things right again. I'll probably just have to suck it up and move on. Admitting that there have been losses and that you can't win the overall war is a very painful and terrible thing to realise but I should probably stop dwelling on the past and look towards allowing those wounds to finally heal over.

You know before I used to blame it on other things. It was the way I grew up, it was my culture, my age, my whatever but now I know that it was all me. I did those things. I was too chicken shit to do what I really wanted and have ended up here at this point.

It's all right though, I know the depression will go away soon and I know this sounds like a big "oh god I wanna slash my wrists wails" post but it really isn't. Just thinking about the big what-ifs and the things that really mattered, that's all.

I'm Not Blind

2008-08-12T23:39:00.002+10:00

And I'm not a kentang. Kentang is what Singaporeans call other Singaporeans who glorify Western culture to our own. I do not glorify the Western culture and at the same time, I do not glorify my own. I have walked the streets of both countries, schooled in both, worked in both, lived in both, loved in both. Only my sister is here, the rest of my family is dispersed around the world. Why am I telling you all of this?

I had a discussion with a fellow Singaporean about job prospects in Singapore. He claimed that Singaporeans who do not prefer their own home country do not "keep it real". When I asked him to explain himself, he just waved it off, claiming that I did not understand and that I was blind to what Singapore could offer me. I found all of his arguments ridiculous, whenever faced with a counter argument he has dismissive and unable to come back with a valid response.

I was going to go on a tirade of my views and observations. Unfortunately, I am too chicken shit to do it publicly. Then again, I guess I have said enough for you to form your own opinion.

Welcome to 1984 - Two decades too late

2008-08-05T23:54:00.002+10:00

It's starting to annoy me, this constant surveillance. What's the point of having so much video footage of people anyway? Our safety, so they say. There's cameras being installed in my workplace. I recently came from a music festival in Byron Bay and apparently cameras were being used to follow people on the streets. The whole feel of the place was completely different to what it was a year ago. Cameras are to be installed on every street in Australia.

It's getting to the point where I do not feel safe walking along the streets or even in my own workplace. I do not like to entertain the idea that somebody is watching my every move. I do not like to think that people are being watched all the time. Is it really for our safety that our privacy is almost being abolished? Is it really just because we need protecting? Will it really stop the killing or the drug dealers or whatever?

It's true power to take away a man's freedom and have him thank you for it.

Lol - Google ads

2008-07-21T01:23:00.002+10:00

All right, so google has kindly informed me that I have caused detriment to the sponsors and that they have stopped my account. I don't know whether it's to do with my recent content or whatever, frankly, I don't really give a shit. I'm not going to change my blog content for sponsors. I don't get paid enough.

I might change the google site to a paypal account, which is desperate, I know but hopefully someone will see it and donate some moolah to the broke undergraduate fund.

Could you?

2008-07-16T14:02:00.001+10:00

Could you still be friends with someone if you found out that they had raped someone or was violent to a female? Could you just look past that and pretend that, that bit of information never reached your ears? It's a completely different ballgame to being friends with people who periodically break women/mens' hearts. I don't see how anyone can condone rape or beating up a girl, but they do. There's NO SUCH THING as sitting on the fence for this one, and it is NEVER a woman's fault that someone ELSE could not control his fists. If you see a friend being abused, staying quiet and letting it happen is the same thing as condoning it. At the very least, you should advise her on what to do and help her escape if she wants to.

Even if that girl wasn't me, I would never remain friends with somebody if I know they've done such things to a girl. It's a very well known fact that females are physically weaker than males and yet this particular person has repeatedly beat his girlfriend up and his friends ignore it. She walks around with a black eye, or broken lip and nobody does anything. They don't think it's their place to, but they should, damnit.

How can you be friends with a fucking asshole like that? How can you ignore that he's a meek, disgusting shell of a human being that doesn't deserve the same kind of consideration given to other human beings? How can you laugh at his jokes and pretend that he deserves anything less than being dragged dick first by a car through a crowded street? It sickens me.

I'm not hanging out with him anymore, there is nothing more despicable to me than that sort of violence. Even if I meet him in the street in a few years time I still wouldn't acknowledge him, a man like that doesn't deserve any respect. This may be considered two completely separate things but, what's the difference between a child rapist and a normal rapist? They both prey on the weak, they both cause irreparable damage and they are both scum of the earth. We should label these violent men with the same disgust we give to child molesters.

Counterfeit Goods

2008-07-07T00:39:00.003+10:00

Stolen from Lance.

I am not a hippie, while I despise having to pay thousands of dollars for designer clothes and excessive amounts of money for food, I also understand that people need to make money. That's fine, everyone's in the same game.

I was just thinking about counterfeit goods, you would assume the counterfeit goods you get in China, where it is in abundance really, is fake. Why is it considered fake though? Sometimes the factories make excessive amounts of clothing and sell them on the streets. Even paying 100 usd for each item would be a lot more than they would receive just being paid to make them. If they were made in the same factory, why are they fake? The reasonable assumption to this would be that the designers don't get paid for their design however, what design is really worth a thousand fucking dollars? What materials and design really cost a few thousand dollars? Then again, overpricing shit is the basis of making any decent money. Kudos to them, one day I will make my own bag design and sell it for a million dollars. Probably not.

My Nightmare

2008-07-03T22:31:00.002+10:00

A few nights ago I had the most horrific dream. This just occurred within the span of one night but my dream seemed to take me to a completely different place altogether. Note, the entire time was spent in real time, not summarised moments as it is for most dreams.

Here's a short summary of the dream:
My dream starts with a visit to the doctor who informs me that I was four months pregnant.
Too late for an abortion, the nightmare begins.
Journey back to Singapore in shame, degree unfinished and a child on the way.
5 months of preparation for the birth, the whole she-bang, classes, disappointed talks from family, gossip, etc.
The birth, in a specific location in a specific hospital (Mount Elizabeth Hospital, an actual hospital) with a specific room number, specific doctors and nurses whose faces I can still remember.
Note to self, get a c-section, crapping your pants as part of your own dream is a major nightmare.
Post-birth, I remember my son's face and his green eyes with the wavy brown hair, holding him closely and stroking his skin. This part wasn't that much of a nightmare as much as realising the immense responsibility of his birth.

And that was my summarised 5 month long dream. Very, very weird and detailed to the point where I haven't forgotten it even though it's been awhile. The dream's actually prompted me to start exploring things that I've always wanted to do and haven't had the chance to like future moving to another country and following my own path. I do hope, when I do give birth, the circumstances will be quite different.

Post-exam horror

2008-07-02T00:51:00.002+10:00

It's been 5 days since my last exam and I still can't relax. They should give us more time during the holidays to get over the wrath of exams. I'm still thinking which parts of the brain are activated when I do something, which cranial nerve gets excited, etc. I think it'll take me a week of purely trying not to think to slowly get over this pain. That's fine though, at least I know the things I studied have stuck with me this time.

I feel like I'm losing my blogging twitch. I used to be able to bitch about so many things whereas now I'm just interested in how the brain works and genetic control. Yes, damnit, I believe in eugenics and I'm proud of it. There should be some form of genetic control instead of allowing literal "freaks of nature" to survive. Of course, I define a literal freak of nature as someone who has a fatal mutation that is unable to live a relatively normal life even with medication. Like the harlequin children, even with medication they're unable to live a normal life. This of course, is different from diabetics who're able to live a relatively normal life with medication.

I have heaps of unfinished posts that I should attend to...

Kill the fetus

2008-06-24T17:02:00.000+10:00

I think this whole preservation of life practice is getting slightly out of hand. Although I applaud science for being able to save, prolong and improve our daily lives, you have to admit that it really is getting a little too much. First of all, I am completely pro-choice. If a couple, or women are not ready to have children, that is their prerogative. Society should not people to have children when they clearly are not ready to. Of course, I'm not implying that all 16 year old mothers are bad parents but they would probably not be as well-equipped as an older woman.

Anyway, the reason for this post is due to a documentary I watched. I've enclosed a picture and video for your viewing pleasure.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gtawP5MMlSQ

They aren't alien babies, they just suffer from a condition that makes their skin grow in excess. Most babies don't survive, but of course some do. While I admire the children's bravery for facing their painful lives with the possibility of death looming over their heads, I have to honestly say that I'd have an abortion.

There, I wrote it. It may make you uncomfortable, this may lose whatever small number of readers I have, you may even flag my blog but someone needs to say it. Call me selfish, but I don't want to give birth to somebody who is going to be in constant pain for the rest of his/her life. You may say that all creatures have the right to life but has anyone considered what kind of life they may have when they grow up? These harlequin children will probably never have sex or have their own children. They need constant medical supervision to ensure their own skin does not kill them. Would you want any of your children to face that?

Of course there's the slippery slope argument. If we start at genetic disorder babies, where does it end? Only designer babies? Of course, this is stupid. There are gigantic leaps between the two. Huge. Destroying a life when it will constantly be in an insurmountable amount of pain each day from the beginning to the end is different from making all the world's children blonde hair and blue eyed.

Another thing to consider is euthanaesia. A person should be allowed to die if he or she wants to. We are not in a situation which requires us to fight for our survival so much anymore. Besides, what is a cancer-riddled person going to do? Copulate? How are healthy people supposed to understand how terribly cancer affects someone's life? A terminally ill patient may wish to end his life painlessly, and who are we to deny him that?

Did you know that in Singapore, if you attempt suicide and fail, you go to jail? So if you want to die, you better make sure you do which I think is ridiculous. If I wanted to off myself and failed, I don't want to be put in a place where I wouldn't be able to go the way I wanted. That's bullshit. A person should have the right to end his or her own life if they wished, of course I say this within REASON. I'm not saying teenagers should commit suicide whenever they wished, I'm saying physically ill people in a constant state of pain should have the option, should they wish.

Pain

2008-06-19T16:15:00.002+10:00

Pain is an illusion, what you're really feeling is what your brain abstracts from nociceptive nerve receptors. Nociceptive nerve receptors respond to noxious stimuli (damaging stimuli). There's 3 different types: Polymodal = C fibres, affected by chemical, thermal and mechanical stimuli. They're unmyelinated fibres that give you that throbbing pain after the initial fast hurt. The other two kinds of receptors are thermal and mechanical, information about these are carried by thinly myelinated A-delta fibres.

These are excitatory (glutaminergic - AMPAr) neurons with a fast synaptic potential that can be slowed by neuropeptides. This neuropeptide is called substance P that causes the slowing of the information to the brain. Substance P may also travel vast distances, allowing other areas to be modulated. This gives the unlocalized character of pain.

These fibres project into the ventral horn of the spinal cord which is arranged in layers or laminae. Laminae 5 is responsible for most of the information sent upwards to the brainstem and thalamus. It also gets input from visceral structures and this is why some people may feel pain in wide spread areas for deeper or chronic pain as compared to localized.

There are 5 different tracts:

Spinothalamic: laminae I & V ->contra-anterolateral white matter ->thalamus
Gives information about location of injury

Spinoreticular: laminae VII and VIII-> anterolateral quadrant->reticular formation and thalamus

Spinomesencephalic: I & V-> anterolateral quadrant -> mesencephalic reticular formation ->periaqueductal grey

Cervicothalamus: III, IV-> contralateral ascending-> medial leminscus, ->ventroposterior thalamus -> posteromedial thalamus

Spinohypothalamus: I, V, VII -> usual pathways

Within the cerebral cortex, the cingulate gyrus is responsible for emotional response to pain, insular cortex is responsible for the autonomic component of the pain response from the medial, ventral and posterior thalamus, possibly integrating sensory affective and cognitive components.

Amazing revelations from study

2008-06-14T15:11:00.003+10:00

The first one is from neuro, take this test out.

http://blindspottest.com/

I know the blind spot is a very common and well known optical illusion but the brain's power to compensate astounds me. The brain's cortical areas just fill in the gaps with the external environment. Then again, it should also be noted that the eye is always in motion. These movements help to fill in the spots you don't see on either eye as well by creating a sort of residual imprint in your brain. The vision is very complicated, processing starts through parallel processing through the optic nerve located right behind your eyes, and continually gets processed up till the point in the brain that makes sense of everything you see. The arrangements of the brain and how it processes images is absolutely fascinating but I will not go into that at this point.

The second thing that was fascinating was how we localise sound in 3D space. It was my little pet project this semester but I'll go into that closer to my neuro exam when I need to summarise things.

The last thing I'll talk about is aging and cancer. There's a genetic theory floating around that aging and cancer are two competitive processes. You see, you have DNA in all your cells, except your red blood cells of course. You also know that your body is constantly replenishing lost cells that may have occurred through physiological cell or just because the cell is damaged in some way. Whenever this happens, DNA replication occurs to give another copy to the new daughter cells. DNA is arranged in two strands, in the double-helical structure we are all familiar with.

This DNA is replicated on both strands, in a 5' to 3' manner, but for the opposite strand which is in 3' to 5', replication is broken up in little 5' to 3' fragments. The problem with this is that the end of the 3' to 5' strand cannot be replicated. The way it has dealt with this is a non-coding repetitive region called the telomerase which gets shorter every time replication occurs. Now, there are enzymes that can sustain the telomerase but then that leads us to two problems.

First problem is, when there is a mutation in this enzyme, the cell may be able to escape cell senescence. Senescence is like, the cell's life cycle, escaping from this life cycle leads to immortalisation. The cell can divide as many times as it likes, in whatever rate it feels like. This is the pathway to cancer. If cells can't divide as many times, it has a certain limit to the amount it can divide, eventually the telomerase enzyme isn't sufficient to replicate the DNA to the point that it division causes a breakdown of the coding region of the DNA. This leads to aging.

I don't know if people without a biological background were able to understand that, but I found it absolutely fascinating. Anyway, back to studying.

Fuck - Warning: Lots of Swearing

2008-06-12T15:10:00.004+10:00

Yeah, that's right. This post is semi-inspired by Chase, I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me using his name for this post, but I'm sure he'll understand. Just in case, Chase is a really nice man who doesn't use foul language. But I do. In fact, my second word was asshole but I guess I blame that on my foul mouthed step-sisters who were around when I was growing up.

I used to swear so much as a child, fuck this, fuck that, you fucking asshole this, donkey ball licker cunt face that. Was I bad in English? No. I won various English language awards in my day, some international competitions, I wrote poetry used in plays, I read classical novels from a very young age, was in drama and a variety of plays, one musical, joined debating in junior college however admittedly failed miserably because I can't speak publicly without melting into the floor. Does this sound like a person who has been deemed the most foul-mouthed person most of her friends have met? No, but I'm not the only one.

I have met countless of writers and literary scholars who swear just as much as I do yet are perfectly capable of formulating beautiful sonnets and plays. People who would describe literature as sculptures of the mind, who dazzle you with their literary genius and leave you breathless after reading their imagery. Are they deemed less worthy of anyone's respect just because they decide to use the word "fuck"? Sometimes you need to swear, because that is the only way you can truly expression your frustration and anger in all its colourful glory.

I can say, I'm so livid with anger or I'm extremely infuriated with this person but I'm sure the impact will be stronger if I tell you that I'm so mother fucking infuriated that I could rip his fucking balls off. Why should we view bad language as anything else besides what it is, just words. Language came about through the need to express ideas and communicate, why is colourful language given such a horrible stigma? Of course, I understand that this is my opinion and that not everyone agrees, which is fine.

Although I have to say, calling someone a steaming pile of excrement gives you some sort of superiority complex.

Exams

2008-06-11T00:46:00.002+10:00

They are so NOT an accurate depiction of learning. Come on, think about it, you're never holed up in a situation where you need to apply about 60 billion things in the space of 3 hours. Sure you need some sort of test but I'd say that learning in a working environment is better. As in, wouldn't it be more accurate if we got work placement as the last semester of uni or something? Think about it, instead of being put in an unrealistic situation where people cram for a few days prior to the exam, shouldn't you be put into a working environment and separation from the stupid is based on application in real life situations.

I reckon a more companies should "sponsor" student education. If we do this, students will be able to learn realistically. We all know as soon as we graduate, we're going to do monkey jobs anyway and the most complex thing I'll get to do is a freaking PCR reaction and getting coffee for the first year anyway. Why prolong the suffering? Instead, students are put into unrealistic situations doing experiments that are at least 20 years old, having to cram a billion things during exam period and THEN graduating and doing things a trained monkey can do.

Yes, first stages of exam-cramming period bitching.

Sometimes the best medicine is distance and time

2008-06-05T15:59:00.002+10:00

No, this isn't about me, more like a particular friend I know who's probably going to kill me when he/she reads this. It's not about you either, you just inspired this post. =D I love you too.

My topic sounds like an equation.

Distance/Time = Speed

Nah, the real equation is:
Distance + Time = Closure

Sometimes you have to learn that your presence isn't the healthiest thing for someone else to endure. Maybe you've (un)intentionally done something terrible to them and you should give them some time to get over it and function again. This is why you can't be friends with your ex unless some time has passed and you're sure the other has gotten over it. Residual feelings almost always exist and can lead to really stupid consequences. Even if it doesn't go that far, they feel hurt once you move on or the more they hang out with you, the less likely they are able to get over their feelings for you.

I know it sucks to have to make yourself the bad person and intentionally move away when the other person just wants you around, but sometimes you need to be the bad guy. This is probably the only way that the other will be able to realise how incompatible you two are and move on. I haven't successfully remained friends with any of MY exes, not that I'd like to, it causes too many problems from people you don't care about anymore.

Point to note, I wrote this a month ago. Hi, particular person this post is dedicated to, you know who you are. That's right, I'm a cunt that way.

Preoccupied

2008-06-02T14:38:00.002+10:00

Meh, it's not that I've probably lost my fire. I guess I just feel slightly defeated over the past couple of weeks. It's like when you're young you walk around thinking you know something, if not everything. Something, so you have that little bit of something and you hold it dear to you, because that is your reality. Then you move away from your home, your friends, your family and little pieces of your reality break away.

The first thing I lost was my faith in my religion and then I lost faith in all religion. The second part I lost was my innocence that family was there to look out for you and protect you. The third part, I don't know what I've lost, I just feel like a black dot in a white sea. Forth part was my illusion of perfect health. Over the past couple of weeks, more and more pieces have slowly started to crumble away. I'm feeling the last part of that something break away now, my faith in my parents.

I'm sure it happens to everyone, one of them epiphanies that happen to you when you're growing up such as, that moment when you realise that the moment is fleeting and that you're mortal or that all actions and inactions have consequences. Now I see my parents as people as well, instead of their roles I've been programmed to believe existed before. I wasn't kidding that post I wrote previously about how television raised me, because it did. You know, it's not that I don't love them, I do and while I understand that they did the best they could, it still bothers me.

As in, will I be like that? Will I make such stupid mistakes? Will I let my emotions take control over me? Should I even bother getting married with the man I'm in love with or should I just give up and self-fertilize or something. Do I even want to spawn more miserable people into this world? Will I be more preoccupied with myself compared to my children? Will I abandon them? Will I be able to love and care for them? Plus many more.

Then I realise that it's not such a bad thing. I've been a latchkey kid since I was 10 and have been slowly groomed off to form some sort of independence from then. I don't think I'm doing that bad for someone who's been able to create a new life in a completely new environment alone. I think I'll be just fine, if I can push aside these stupid worries and stop procrastinating for these cursed exams.

You big vagina

2008-06-02T13:25:00.002+10:00

Man, I always have ideas for a good blog and then I sit here with an absolute blank. Anyway, I first started this title because of a stupid comment I got from a stupid reader. As if all intellectuals are socially retarded. Fuckwit. I was going to tirade, but I guess I've lost my fire.

Video games don't make me a killer, they just let me kill people

2008-05-29T10:24:00.003+10:00

So you're sitting in your car, trying to drive from one end to the next of the city in under an hour while avoiding the police and having immense fun on the way. I mean, honestly, nothing's more fun than driving on the sidewalk at break neck speeds and ramming people down. Lots of people. Or doing a drive by in the more expensive parts of the city. It's brilliant. Immensely brilliant. What am I talking about? GTA4.

GTA4 has to be one of the best games ever made. Playing it on the ps3 has been a prolonged multiple orgasm. The attention to detail is astounding whether it's the physics involved in flying bodies, the blood spatter dynamics, the graphics of the city and the different neighbourhoods with different types of people. And I love nothing better than ramming down the very rich or the very poor. The very poor are more fun because they get all ghetto angry at you whereas the very rich are fun because they're all sniveling cowards. In the game. It's brilliant. Plus you don't even have to buy a car, just throw the guy who's in the car while you drive it. Brilliant!

But enough about that, I still don't believe that video games make you violent. I'm sure anyone with half a brain can decipher what's reality and what isn't. Anyone should be able to understand that actions have consequences and it's the parent's responsibility to instill that learning onto their children. Even so though, in the past there were public executions, peoples' heads being put on pikes and left for days. Saying that we've become more barbaric since then seems a little, odd.

I think it's stupid to think that we've been living in a relatively docile world. There's been wars going on in at least one part of the world since... ages. (lazy). We don't really live in a safe world, the reality is that bad things happen everyday with or without video games that are thought to cause violence. I mean, I live in a place where there's relatively strict gun control and where, some gun shootings do occur, but they occur a lot more in places with less gun control. I think that there's a lot more factors to consider besides pointing the blame at video games.

It's been ages

2008-05-26T11:47:00.002+10:00

Sorry, exams are coming up and I need to get good results to stay in the country so... Intermittent rants here we go. I don't really think I should post too many syllabus related posts just because most of my readers won't understand what I'm talking about. At the same time, I'm not going to stop completely because, screw whingers.

And you, anonymous reader, stop pissing off my other readers. I'm pretty lax about the whole thing but they're obviously getting irritated. Don't make me disallow anonymous comments and I'd hate having to moderate through comments. Seriously.

So, what have I been doing? Studying intermittently and procrastinating. I have also STUPIDLY taken on a STUPID diet where, although biochemically sound, sucks balls. All because my sister, the super exaggerator, said it would work and you'd feel great. Bullshit. Maybe in a couple of weeks, on the other hand, I have lost about 2kg since I started awhile ago. Yay? But I'm documenting this in the event it doesn't work so that I can bring the company down for wasting my time and money. HAH! You know, like the Atkin's diet. How can anyone be so possibly STUPID as to fall for the Atkin's diet. How can Atkin, fall for the freaking Atkin's diet. I mean, ffs, I should be a doctor instead of you, you twat!

Anyway, revision's going okay. I'm still getting last minute scare signals but it should be fine. After this all I want to do, is just what all normal uni students do. Is to...

Sit down and finish my game of gta4 with a carton of beer by my side. Yes... That would be most excellent.

Nothing beats killing people on the streets, getting paid for it and only having to spent about 5 seconds in jail.

Ridiculously oversimplified summary of lectures 1

2008-05-16T11:27:00.002+10:00

I don't understand why they can't just introduce us to the concepts early on instead of cramming everything hard into the last year of your degree. They had 2 years to prepare us for the hard bits but noooo... They chose to lull us into a false sense of security with how easy the subject was. Those bastards. Anyway, here's a ridiculously oversimplified summary of what I learnt yesterday.

We are thought to have roughly 30,000 genes but most of it isn't even protein coding genes. Protein coding genes are genes that code for the production of protein, as in, what makes up your body. Instead, DNA is filled with a few other components, some of which don't even have any function. Examples of these are LINES/SINES which are long/short interspersed nuclear element, other short interspersed repeat sequences (for gene fingerprinting), regulatory elements such as promoter and enhancer regions, pseudogenes or silent genes that have been unnecessary and have been mutated silent , chromatin structures such as origin of replication, centromeres and telomeres (essential for packing).

DNA needs those structures, well except pseudogenes, really, in order to regulate transcription for particular genes. Not all genes are active at one point in time, there's a reason why you get different cells in different areas. Like, skin cells outside and liver cells where the liver is. The thing about genes though, is that there are only 4 bases; Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine and Guanine (ATCG). There's only so few combinations that one may have with only 4 bases but that's not the worst thing. C and T are quite similar in structure where C can get methylated for whatever reason and be deaminated to become T. This is a problem because for example, if ACG coded for one amino acid, ATG is a start codon. So you can imagine the problems that can happen with that.

I suppose the main thing to take away from these lectures is about DNA packaging. DNA is normally considered to be roughly 2m long, therefore it would require really efficient packaging in order to fit it all in microscopic nuclei. So, the DNA is wound around a histone (H2a, H2b, H3, H4) making a nucleosome. H5, another histone molecule makes a linker between other nucleosomes. The thing about the histones is that they tightly pack the DNA, making it near impossible for RNA polymerase to do its job. The histones form ionic interactions with the DNA in helix-turn-helix conformation (I think, feel free to correct me) making strong bonds.

All isn't lost, there are chromatin remodelling machinery such as SWI/SNF that loosen the chromatin with ATP (adenosine triphosphate molecule, ie, the holy grail of biochemistry) as SWI/SNF contain bromodomains that recognise acetylised lysine. It also binds and stablises this other molecule, CBP (cAMP response element binding protein) that acetylises lysine. What's with this thing lysine? Well, the acetylation of lysine in the histone has been associated with activation of transcription. That's not the end of the story.

So, you've got the DNA loose, now it's time for the DNA binding protein (which protein is determined by which area of the body you're in. ie, which protein is expressed at whichever area. Eg: GATA in rbc and GTTAAT in liver) to bind onto the DNA and recruit DNA transcription factors (TF) for example NPY (binds CCAAT), Sp1 binds onto CpG boxes, TATA-binding protein (TATA-bp), etc bind onto the loosened DNA and recruits RNA pol (in some cases, basal transcriptional machinery which is also just a platform for RNA pol). There are different types of DNA binding protein in different animals, where the leucine zipper with homeodomains and Zinc fingers are predominant in humans, prokaryotes prefer helix-loop-helix interactions, that sort of thing.

Of course, I was mainly talking about the activators, there are repressors too. But before that, we've initiated mRNA transcription. It's done by looking for that start codon, ATG and RNA polymerase will go along the DNA until it finds a stop codon. Then it'll drop off and everyone will be merry. So, we've stopped making the protein we need and now we want to prevent more from being made. The opposite of the acetylation of lysine is the DEacetylation of lysine, there's also methylation which basically does the same thing. This is too long and I need to start on my other subjects.

Why the HELL did I attempt doing this as a major?

How annoying

2008-05-15T00:29:00.002+10:00

I hate it how people lie through their teeth. I understand that this is what normal people call... Tact... It still irritates me nonetheless. It's like, I know I have a weight problem and I understand it'll take a long time for me to lose the freaking weight healthily but at the same time it's not that I don't recognise my size. I do, I'm not fucking blind. You know, I got myself to this stage and now I'm getting myself out of it therefore I don't really mind.

There's a difference between calling someone ridiculously ugly, ugly unless there's something they can do about it. Some people just really are ridiculously ugly but you won't call them that to their face because that's cruel. You shouldn't anyhow, especially if it isn't their fault. Of course, you can always call someone dumpy if they don't bother to take care of their appearance. I'm making a distinction here, if they can't help it without paying thousands of dollars, they really shouldn't be made fun of.

In my case however, I don't mind if you call me fat. So what, I know I'm not obese. It just irritates me that I can't call another fatty obese because they'll just binge eat and be miserable. You should be able to though, like people are whinging about my smoking. I should be able to whinge about how much their hair gel smells, their bad breath or something. We're not though, so people go on with their lives being all tactful. Some stay that way forever, like I wish someone would tell the principal of the show "Ladette to Lady" that she should stop wearing cheap lipstick and do her hair nicely. It also doesn't hurt to get your teeth fixed, darling. Honestly, how can you claim to teach or principal a school for reformed ladies, even, when you look as bad as that?

Meh

2008-05-14T09:53:00.000+10:00

Had a post but deleted it because my conscience got the better of me. Stupid brainwashing.

How apt

2008-05-07T22:56:00.002+10:00

My last post was my 300th post. It's pretty good to know that my 300th post went to something sweet instead of vulgar, which seems to be the norm for me. Heh. I can't believe I've spent so much time on this blog but at the same time, it's been almost 2 years since I started it. Truth be told, I started my first blog when I was 16. That blog was my baby, I even bothered to edit the template and write a small amount of code for it. Nah, coding was never my thing. Anyhow, that first blog brought me lots of entertainment since I kind of got caught up in a little scandal with it. You know how high school kids are. Eventually that one got hacked into, the password stolen by a disgruntled ex.

I didn't really blog much after that for about 2 years and realised I needed the relief of writing angry things to be read by almost nobody online. I had a variety of anonymous blogs after that but never really felt any connection to them. Truth be told, only a small group of friends had the addresses to those blogs. I can't really remember the content of the blogs but most said it was like a deep mirror to the essence of my being. So, had to scratch that. People need their privacy you know.

Eventually I made this blog with daily traffic ranging from 7-70 a day coming from all over the globe. Yes, I'm aware most of them are for child porn links but shut up and let me have my moment. I had my name on it for awhile and realised that employers could've googled my name and come up with this blog. Then there's the anti-religious feel I have to it as well which made me decide to keep my head down a little for safety's sake.

Heh, since I started this blog I've met a variety of people on the intarweb. Somehow I hope to meet them in person one day. Who knows I might be in your neighbourhood one day and you'd just pass me by without realising who I was. Heh, the internet makes a funny reality. It's funny how virtual reality also affects reality as we know it. Anyway, I know this is semi-lame but I'm studying so... Here's to my 300th post!

Ode to Opa

2008-04-30T22:57:00.002+10:00

Opa died today. I'm not sure why, my father won't tell me anything. This is yet another one of the things I cannot do anything for, I can't go back home except to see his grave. I won't be there for his funeral, I won't be there for my father who would appreciate the company right now. I'm a thousand miles too far away for anything to be done except mourn, I suppose.

I guess the shit thing is, I really wanted to see him when I got old enough to have a decent conversation with him. I wanted to engrave his image in my brain, this is my blood, he is my blood. This is a man who was born before the holocaust. This is a man who survived refugee camps, fled to Indonesia, knew people who were in concentration camps and was a prisoner of war on the Malaysian-Thai death railroad. This is a man who was persecuted for his heritage and the colour of his skin and still fought to keep his name.

I was brought up to be proud of my family name. Even after my grandmother and grandfather divorced, they ensured that we knew how important our names are. I suppose that's the only real thing I have to remember him by. Well, I have a few pictures of him. One where he's dancing in his underwear drunk, another on his wedding day kissing my oma and one respectable one. Them, and his antics in the hospital. Apparently during the time he was going senile he used to keep his shit in a jar in a fridge. He also used to pinch the nurses' genitals whenever he got the chance.

It gives me giggles to know that the naughty streak runs in him, my father and myself. What pleases me more, is that those pictures also showed his personality. He was a man who knew how to have fun but be serious when the time called for it. A man who not only knew how to survive a horrible time, but to live through it. A man who lost everything and built up businesses from scratch during the great depression. Any man who can do that is a great man, one who deserves being remembered. I'm just sorry I didn't really get the chance to know him more, even though I can probably gauge what sort of man he was based on his actions, experience and through my own father.

May he rest in peace, pinching vag in the afterlife.

This ain't the movies, we're all in 3D

2008-04-28T20:56:00.001+10:00

People aren't generally one or two-dimensional. There are usually many, many facets to one's personality. Sure, we all have characters and one-word stereotypes but there's always something more to a person than just that. What one word would define me? Singaporean, Eurasian, woman, scientist, bartender, lover, friend, sister, daughter, bitch? What would define anyone, most people are just that. They're where they come from, they're the people that they're connected to or they're the one word stereotypes.

There's always something more to a person though, I'm more than just a word and so is everyone else. We all go through similar things and most of us act a similar way. We all grow up and mature, get jobs, find our ways in life. We find a way to make ourselves useful to the community so that we may benefit in turn. A lot of us fall for somebody, find some weird connection in space to bridge the gaps between. Most of us will have children or care for one, trying to pass on knowledge and help another make sense of the world.

There's so many facets to our personalities however, I am not just strong, I can also display some form of cowardice. I'm not completely intelligent, there are parts in my life where stupidity shines through. I am not always a bitch, I'm a pretty caring individual when I put my mind to it. I'm not always loud-mouthed and vulgar, I can display periods of time of refinement when the situation calls for it.

I was just thinking of this when ecd mentioned that my comments about my refined relatives were sarcastic when they weren't. Another example of this is when chin, my best friend of 6 years said that a particular piece I wrote was too meek for my character. It's not just them though, most people have a particular opinion of somebody as if a particular set of behaviour is native to them. It's not though, I never thought of myself as a cheater until I cheated on my exes. It really shits me when people say things like, "Oh, that's something I'd never do." Bullshit. You'd kill a man if he were coming at you with a knife. Some people do things out of character from time to time, it happens. Would that seem... Out of character? Or just being human?

We were actually talking about this at work

2008-04-19T02:41:00.002+10:00

You know all those horrible sexual medical stories you hear? Well, I'm going to share some of them with you. If you don't want to be grossed out, don't read on.

Ready? I suspect most of you have already heard them. I assure you, a lot of them are actually true.

Story 1:

Girl and guy have anal sex.
Girl farts.
Girl's anus creates a vacuum causing guy's penis to be sucked in.
Both end up having to be sent to the hospital in an ambulance.
Girl needs air pump in ass to allow penis to be removed.

Story 2:

Girl is horny.
Girl buys a lobster.
Girls screws herself with a lobster, using a lighter to burn its face.
In a few days, she has the worst cramps imaginable.
She queefs out thousands of little lobsters.
Lobster laid eggs in her bagingo.

Story 3:

Girl gets cramps, goes to doctor.
Results are in, doctor says she has vaginal worms.
She's confused.
Doctor explains that he needs to know who she has had sex with in the past 6 months.
Turns out, her boyfriend works in the morgue and has been having unprotected sex with corpses.
She is mortified.

Enjoy. Thought it was more light hearted compared to previous post.

Anti Smoking Campaigns Make Me Want to Smoke All the Time

2008-04-16T12:09:00.003+10:00

I can't watch a single thing on tv without having to have some reminder of cigarettes. In almost every commercial is some sort of anti-smoking campaign, quit line or whatever. If I really were quitting cigarettes, I would totally want to smoke so much more every time one of these damned commercials comes on.

Anyway, I just realised that I let Lance bitchslap my argument in one of my ancient posts and didn't come up with a decent reply to it about smoking. Today, I will. Let me just start with, the pursuit of knowledge is long and painful, and I will have to baby most of my explanation just because most of my readers will be unable to understand it.

Getting cancer is a game of probability and chance. Now, as most scientists do not like this notion of chance however, in cases of cancer we'll have to admit that it happens. Your body grows new cells all the time. The difference between cancer cells and normal cells is that cancer cells are not controlled by the mechanisms present in normal cells that prevent excessive growth. You see, you don't normally end up dying from the actual growth themselves but what they cause to occur in your body. For example, tumours may end up in liver, impeding liver function causing you to die or they'll block an artery causing you to die, etc.

Think of a tumour like a mother who brings her baby to work. The baby's fine, sometimes it's a little cute but it's annoying and cries a lot. It slows performance down a little, but not so much that it is very noticeable. A metastatic tumour is like when the news spreads that parents can start bringing their children to work so they all do so. The presence of so many children is distracting and annoying, causing performance to dwindle down to the point where the company shuts down. Yes, I hate babies.

What causes cancer though? So, these cells are always dividing in your body and how that works is the DNA is a big database which is read and protein is made according to what DNA says it should be. It's not so much the DNA being fucked that causes cancer because when DNA damage is too severe, the cell just ends up dying. It's when the mechanism to kill the cell fails is when growths start to occur. So, that's mutation 1. Forgot to mention that you need a few mutations in order for cancer to occur. Mutation 2 is when the other check in place to make sure your cell only divides a certain number of times in its lifetime gets fucked. Then cancer is in business.

All right, that's the HOW. The WHY is through things that can cause mutations. You know, like the sun which gives off harmful UV rays. Like some types of fungi, viral and bacterial infections, heavy metals, radioactive waste, etc that give cancer once in contact. Stimulus A leads to Situation B type stuff. In the case of cigarettes however, stimulus A does not lead to situation B. It takes years for the POSSIBILITY of situation B from arising. Who knows that during that period of time you would not have been exposed to something else that may cause situation B. There is no such toxicological report on human studies that is as comprehensive as that. There is economically viable and reliable method of testing that is able to prove otherwise and there is no way to even predict cancer.

Thousands of the components that make DNA in each cell are broken off and damaged every single day just spontaneously or with physiological stress. You don't get cancer every day though. You know why? Because you systems of checks in each cell to prevent it from happening. If your family has a history of cancer, then you shouldn't smoke. Even I, would discourage you from smoking because you are at a much greater risk to get cancer. It shows that genetically, your system of checks have failed in previous generations and is likely to fail in yours. If you, like myself, have a family with no history of cancer then it is quite unlikely that you will get cancer.

That's why the whole campaign ads and idiotic laymen telling me that smoking causes cancer, like omg pisses the living fuck out of me. What do you know, you damned laymen, beyond the 30 seconds of repeated information from television ads, maybe a half hour seminar that schools give you with some reformed speaker that could be smoking 50 sticks a day. Like all those idiots I know who have no problems popping pills and doing drugs that cause immediate harm to their bodies but won't touch a stick. Do you even know how rare metastatic cancer is in the first place? I don't even know anyone who has cancer, most of them have diabetes. Why isn't anyone banning sugar yet?

Anyway, that was a long rant. Don't give me shit about this being too science-y, I don't care. By the way, this rant was in response to smoking causes cancer. If you point out other shit, I will address them too.

Sick again... Penis Envy

2008-04-11T05:18:00.000+10:00

I stayed at home today again, which was really annoying because I really wanted to do this experiment that we're doing at uni. So much more interesting than getting dizzy spells from walking for long periods of time. The good thing about it is that my boy stayed home to take care of me which was fabulous. Nothing more comforting than knowing that someone will take care of you when you need it most.

Now, on a completely random note, the subject of penis envy. I have penis envy, and it's not just because you bastards don't get pregnant. It's the complete lack of regard for any female you happen to be banging at whatever time that gets me sold. That, and the ability to aim your urine into a porcelain bowl. I mean, my way of thinking is majority comprised of guy-osophys but nothing beats the masters of testosterone.

It's really annoying how the stereotypical female is expected to behave. We're supposed to be kinder, gentler, smoother, have better manners, care about babies and all that bullshit. If we don't, nobody would want to marry us, etc. Who wants to get married anyway, I reckon I could squeeze one out at some point and raise it by myself if my biological clock kicks in, in the future.

So penis envy, I do not actually believe in the superiority of the male sex. Unfortunately, I do not trust my readers' comprehension skills to realise this or even read the previous sentence. Sigh. Anyway, it's not putting one sex above the other, it's about advantages of one to the next. I like the fact that I'm female and have all the female perks like breasts, free shit, free reign to be a complete bitch for a week once a month and males being nice and protective over me, etc. I just like the fact that a majority of men are able to fornicate without caring whereas most women tend to get attached and annoying.

No, there was no point to this post.

The hardest thing is to let go

2008-04-05T03:48:00.002+11:00

I'm a stubborn bastard and I'll probably always be one. The easiest thing to do is to tell me that I can't do something and I will do it. That, except climb mount everest and lose weight (hah!). Nah, it's true what chin's said before, if I really cared I would have done something about it and that's the same for any other person who has some sort of defect whether it's body odour, crooked teeth, flaky skin, dandruff, shitty hair, horrible clothes, etc. If you really cared about your image and all that, you would take care of it but that's fine.

Anyway I'm a stubborn bastard who doesn't know when to quit. I should probably quit now and instead of trying to push for medicine with my mediocre grades, a wonderful remnant of my partying days, and just accept the fact that I'll be lucky with a lab job and all that sort of thing. It's just accepting defeat which is so hard for me. I shouldn't have to, and I'm not going to until the very end. I'm going to keep trying until I get in, even if it kills me because I know I'll be brilliant. There's things in life you just can't let go, things you should fight for no matter how bleak the outcome seems to be. I should give up but I can't, which is probably one of the worst things about me.

I don't know when to stop arguing, I've had debates with friends that have lasted over the span of weeks, some of them are still unresolved. I don't know when to say, ok, that's it. I'm like that for many other aspects of my life as well. It gets a little tiring and yet, it is the very thing that drives me. Then again, I'm just justifying myself over things that I really should get over but can't.

The hardest thing for me, is to let go. There are some things in my life that I should get over that is hindering me from developing as a person. I'm sure my older readers may remember brief posts about my childhood and other experiences that I've shared. I can't get over them, but I will. I still have nightmares about my ex, but they'll stop eventually. I'll get better, in fact, I am better than when I first started this blog. Healing process and all that. It's over and I should get on with my life.

Merf

2008-04-04T01:25:00.000+11:00

Meh, my internet's capped and it's gone down to dial up speeds so you know, fuck you. I'm not going to posting as much until it gets upgraded, which should be by this weekend. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. That's so bullshit though, it's probably not going to be upgraded because some fat bastard's scratching his ass and going DUHHHHHHH WHAT GOES WHERE AGAIN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

I'd eat humans if I had to

2008-03-26T06:27:00.001+11:00

Eh, don't lie. If you were in a situation where the only way the group could survive is to eat their own, you would. It's ridiculous to say otherwise. Obviously this is only in situations where food is exhausted or simply cannot be found. I think the question we should really ask ourselves here is why do we even think that way in the first place?

Why do we think that it is wrong to kill a fellow human being? Spare me the whole religious, amoral good and bad crap. Why is it honestly wrong to kill a fellow human being? I know that it is "wrong" but why is it wrong? Obviously I do not want it to happen to me, neither do most animals but why is it wrong for me to kill someone else? Is it purely because we do not want it to happen to ourselves that we do not inflict injury on others? Is it because we have been programmed to think that way? Is it because of the consequences of our actions to other people? If so, why should we care. If not, is it because we may be killed or lose our freedom?

Am I a sociopath for thinking this way, or is it because I am purely just curious as to why we are wired the way we are?

The final question for this post... Does my topic make you uncomfortable? I'll do a rewrite of this post, it's a poor expansion on an interesting topic but my sleeping pills are kicking in.

So many perverts...

2008-03-25T04:22:00.003+11:00

What is with all these people coming onto my blog for the kiddy sex industry post? Fuck you people, it better be for research and not looking for kiddy porn! At the risk of sounding ignorant, kiddy porn is BAD! BAAAAAAD! Stop it! Bad people, bad!

Repercussions of pursuing a degree away from home

2008-03-24T21:27:00.002+11:00

Don't get me wrong, I love Australia and wouldn't trade living here for anything else in the world. I've spent the best few years of my life here and have met the coolest and most fascinating people from here and abroad. The reason why I'm feeling a little glum about being here? Well, my best friend from high school's father passed away and I'm not going to be there to help out in any way that I can. It really sucks balls that I can't just hop onto a plane and be more than just a voice on the phone or a few words on a computer.

That's the price you pay for going overseas. Even though I didn't really feel at home in Singapore, I still had a wonderful bunch of friends that have helped me through a lot of my problems and have shared the experiences of growing up together. This loss on my friend's part has made me feel very aware of the connection that still binds us.

I hope she's doing better, I will continue to try to do all I can even though I'm so far away. I just hope she realises that she still has friends like us (all of us who've left home), even though we're not physically in the same country but still mourn for her loss and love her to death.

Horror Stories from School Part II

2008-03-21T05:38:00.007+11:00

I grew up in Singapore. *Takes a deep breath

Yes, I did, and it wasn't really that bad, I guess. I was kind of safer there and more sheltered? Anyway, my main point of contention is the age hierarchy that is well abound in asian cultures. It's not that I do not recognise that older people should be treated with respect or special care, I do mind if we have to pretend that the older generation can do no wrong.

I can honestly say this was one of the major things that infuriated me while growing up. Teachers were considered to have deity-like powers. They were always right and could make your life a living hell at the drop of a hat. You always had to find some way to remain unnoticed or risk getting singled out and picked on. They could claim anything they wanted of you such as insisting that you had to sit up straight, not take down any notes, do not fidget, hold your piss in or even drop the subject altogether. Most students just accepted it or silently rebelled. I don't really remember anyone who actively fought against the God complexes some teachers had.

I remember though, and this happened a few times, where the teachers would go ape shit at the students. One incident in particular happened when I was 12 in the next class. This young teacher was a major prick, made the whole class stand and individually told each of the students why they would fail in life and not amount to anything. He made all 40 girls cry, he belittled and demeaned all of them but nothing happened. The children were too afraid to tell their parents because the teacher was the principal's nephew and so, no parents were informed. He's had other cases where he's assaulted students but they were too afraid to report him. In fact, I've been smacked on the head by a teacher but nobody dared to testify to it.

I even had this one teacher in primary school who used to pick on the silliest things and then be proud of it. Of course she was a miserable old fart. She screamed at me for the better part of the day because I didn't leave a spacing between the margin of the page and the sums I did. God forbid the sums were just a tad bit untidy.

I think at some point there was a porn star from Singapore who held claim to the title of "Most number of men fucked in a certain period of time or whatever". In an interview, she talked about how she questioned Christianity in her Christian school, and was dragged kicking and screaming into a church and then spent various hours having the demons exorcised from her. Yes, I would turn out fucked up too if that happened to me.

Of course not all teachers were from hell, even though most participated in the whole "If you get expelled, we'll make sure the only schools that you can enter are in the bottom 10" thing. Yeah, pretty much even though that was just a scare tactic, really. I had a brilliant biology teacher that I'm still looking for. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't even be in uni now. She's the only one who supported me and treated me as an intellectual equal.

Ah, there is nothing worse than being taught by someone who you know is more stupid than you are. Can you believe one teacher tried convincing us that outer space had air and the whole concept of screaming being inaudible in space is wrong? (She was a language teacher) Another confused the spleen for the pancreas and most spoke worse English than I did. Sigh, I'll write a post about Singlish soon.

How I Play God

2008-03-19T13:45:00.005+11:00

Cloning, what most laymen do not know is that we molecular biologists and biochemists do this all the time. No, we do not clone humans but we have successfully cloned a lot of other animals such as cows, sheep, mice, various strains of bacteria and viruses, etc. I like to think that I've had a hand in the development and welfare of millions of little microorganism children in experiments that I've been doing since the start of my degree. I suppose all I can do is thank the stars that nobody has enough free time to worry about the welfare of microorganisms enough to start PETA-like groups about it.

Why do we do it? Now, I went into science because I wanted to pursue knowledge but that is obviously what doesn't drive most scientific research. In a bid to save my humanity I will not specify exactly what it is, but I suspect we all know.

*Cough $$$ *Cough
Oh shut up, pharmacists.

It's really simple, just isolate animals with the desired traits which is done through a variety of ways. Let's say for example, we wish to isolate insulin for diabetics. Now, we all know that you are able to create proteins from scratch but it is far more economical to use bacteria to produce the desired insulin. So you isolate the animal with the desired gene and then extract it. Then you infect a bacterium or virus with it through a variety of ways, they produce it as a by-product and voila! Insulin fresh from the oven.

It's so simple that eventually children in primary schools will learn how to do it. They were already teaching us simple DNA extraction techniques in 1998 when I was 12.

Personally I'm more interested in the implications that will arise from the first human baby. Would a person with identical DNA structure result in the same personality? I don't think it would be, seeing as how memory input is transcribed into proteins causing the brain to develop differently even with the same genes. (Reference ME, I'll sue anyone who steals this) It would still be interesting to study and observe, theoretical and practical science usually differs.

Is DNA the organism and not the external body? I've read this somewhere on some facebook post and the concept is interesting yet seems a little... Off. DNA is just an arrangement of a sugar, a base and a phosphate. There are many, many checks in place to ensure there are no mistakes made but sometimes these slip. Sometimes these aren't a bad thing where the mutation causes a bigger resistance to a disease, etc. Still, there are viruses that infect DNA, there are DNA fragments that are able to "cut or copy" itself into other areas of DNA. We won't know for awhile, but we will soon.

The reason why I've littered a few pictures of children and animals with genetic disorders around this post are examples of what molecular biology and biochemistry are trying to find a cure for. Think about these kids (they happen naturally) when the church says "playing god" is against god's will. They're not freaks of nature, they're human beings just like us with no chance of a normal life because of a variety of reasons. We should fund more research companies.

I is anorexia nervosa

2008-03-18T16:57:00.002+11:00

HAH! Nah, not really. However that is the only way I will ever be the skinny asian girl that I am expected to be. I was racking my brains wondering how so many of my friends and their friends are stick thin and I realised something, most of them are bloody anorexic. They just think that if they have a little bit of food, that would qualify them as normal but it clearly isn't. Here's an example of just a few diet regimes I found out.

1) One cup of tea in the afternoon and a bowl of fruit for dinner
2) One slice of bread for lunch and one small apple for dinner
3) Salad with shaved meats(?) for lunch, two fruits for dinner
4) 50g chicken breast for lunch, one small cup of salad for dinner
5) Big breakfast (Eggs and a slice of bread + orange juice)
6) Fruit diet
7) Vegetarian void of pulses/grains/anything with protein or carbs

No, I'm not kidding. Obviously there are also heaps of people that either have tapeworms or a ridiculously high metabolic rate that are able to eat as much as they want and remain stick thin but the truth of the matter is, there are a lot more that aren't. This is DEFINITELY not enough food for you for the day but a lot of women out there continue to starve themselves in the hope of looking beautiful. It really is unhealthy and dangerous, you could lose the use of your uterus or even die. You don't need to be stick thin to be beautiful but you really should be healthy or toned at least. Stockier built girls like myself can always become more muscly and healthy looking rather than stick thin.

I'm not without my own story of battling the kilos. I too went through a period where I refused to eat, threw up for awhile, diet pills, etc. Yeah short term fast shit and I wasn't even that fat at the time. Now, I'm not that slim but I will be. There's a change in attitude that struggling girls like me should take in order to secure permanent weight loss.

Harden the fuck up! Stop whining about it and get off your ass. There's only a minute percentage of people who have genetic disorders that cause their particular fat problems and you're probably just lazy. Like me, I'm a lazy bitch. I can safely say that most of my friends have heard be whinge about my weight loss problem but if you sincerely have a weight loss problem and want to lose weight, you really should see your local doctor. You might have a hormonal imbalance, diabetes, thyroid problems, etc. A lot of these conditions are exacerbated by high fat body content anyway.

Weight loss is a slow, shitty process that will involve a lot of tears especially since it takes quite awhile to see any significant results. I've been on this healthy regime since freaking January and have only just noticed any changes. That's cool too, you've got to realise that even though you're not perfect now, you can be if you work on it. Screw this exaltation of mediocrity. You should always work hard to improve yourself.

Nuke the whales

2008-03-17T15:35:00.007+11:00

Bravely, I wore this shirt to uni today amidst many hippies, PETA members (probably the same people) and other environmental youth groups who gave me endless dirties all day long. Yes, I'm an asshole but it's so amusing that freedom of speech is only all right when it meets the popular criteria of morally upright bullshit. You know, like the whole global warming thing is so in right now whereas before it used to be fur. Yeah. I know SOMEBODY is going to bring up the whole religious debate but they just aren't the same things.

Anyway, screw the whales. I don't understand why people are so upset about extinction and all that shite. It's not as if extinction is a man made phenomenon. Species become extinct all the time, that is nature hence the phrase "survival of the fittest". Obviously more dominant species will inevitably cause the extinction of another, it happens. If it didn't, there would be overcrowding and a lack of resources resulting in death and complete destruction of any life at all. It happens ALL THE TIME in nature, if it didn't life wouldn't exist in the first place.

How do you think life was created? Obviously whatever survived stuck, whatever protozoic organism managed to maintain itself, somehow by fluke found a way to replicate and survive. The ocean became overcrowded and fish started walking on land, they survived and eventually mutated with traits that allowed them to survive. Eventually organisms like us started crawling all over the place. We are the most genetically superior animal on this planet, we survived all the harsh conditions on earth and found ingenious ways to protect ourselves. Even in nature, the more dominant species will expand until their resources are diminished. Do you really think lions or wolves hunt the young or old because they feel sorry for the good of the species? NO! They do so because they're the easiest to catch. We, on the other hand, raise our own meat so there is no need for us to "thin the herds". Animals would definitely eat better meat if it wasn't so hard to catch. This whole animals live in balance because god made them so or whatever non-scientific humanising bullshit is ridiculous. We're just like them but a lot smarter.

AND ANOTHER THING! We are always mutating, organisms are ALWAYS evolving, they evolve after each generation. Just because it's a slow process and we probably will not see the effects within our lifetimes doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. Curse X men and other comics for making people think that mutation is a bad thing or changes happen immediately.

I'm so irritated with people saying we are becoming the destroyers of earth. No, we are bloody not. The earth was here before our narcissistic species was around and will be here for billions of years after we are gone. Who cares about the whales? If they were faster or hid as well as the giant squids we wouldn't have been able to find them or kill them for so long.

Now we have these annoying greenpeace idiots who have no concept of international diplomacy annoying the fuck out of the Japanese when only a handful of countries recognise Australian sovereignty (proper word?) of the South Pole region... Thing. Is there really a difference between eating an intelligent or stupid animal? Are whales really intelligent? No, after years and years of whaling you'd think they'd learn their lesson now. They're the obese, retarded children of the whale world being laughed at by their little cousins.

Yeah, I'm horrible. If it makes anyone feel better, I was going to do marine biology before I realised how little it paid?

Chin's virgin post - A rant

2008-03-13T04:24:00.003+11:00

Hi, my name is Chin, and i shall be your ranter for this post. I am 21 years of age, living in a south-east asian nation which I do not call home nor do i wish to. I am currently an undergrad who enjoys contact sports and thinks that this sounds remarkably like a personnals ad. I am someone who aspires to be a chef and I personally think this is the perfect time, as there is currently a boom in the industry. However, recently there has been a trend that worries me. The trend of the pretentious-know-nothing restauranteur. Now, i understand that some people love to cook; i do myself! However, there really is no need for you to set up a restaurant/cafe/bistro/whatever really, just cook for some friends at home, friends who wouldn't tell you how crappy the food is and how pretentious you are cooking things you do not understand. You get all the compliments you want, your friends learn not to accept an invitation to a dinner party at your place anymore. Everybody wins! I know i sound angry, arrogant, etc etc, but i have my own little reasons for it.

You see, the current boom in the restaurant business has due to the work of many hardworking chefs and restauranteurs who slaved their entire lives away. Wolfgang Puck for example. There's an interview where he talks about how when he first went to america and went to a club, he was
dancing with this girl and they were having fun and all that. The girl then asked him what he did for a living, and he replied that he was a cook. The girl promptly disappeared. Nowadays, girls throw themselves at anyone who call themselves chefs. Gordon Ramsay's a sex symbol for god's sake! Chefs get major media attention, earn big bucks; it's good to be a chef, and as such, everyone and their uncles are jumping on the bandwagon. New restaurants are popping up faster than an erection of a hormonal teen in the girls' showers .Therein lies the problem. Not everyone can cook well. They set up restaurants with amazing decor but with crappy food. However, people will go there because the amazing decor leads to major media write ups and people will go to that restaurant and end up paying for overpriced food because said restaurant needs to recoup money spent on decor. People will eventually get jaded and stop going out to new restaurants and the boom will come to a halting stop with people like Thomas Keller and
Gordon Ramsay surviving, while 200,000 culinary school graduates from the states alone(if memory serves me right) will be stuck without jobs. Also, why the fuck do people need to be so goddamn pretentious (I probably have the spelling wrong, irony)?

Let me tell you what set off this rant. I recently went to this cafe which also deals with books
dealing with all things culinary. This place is in one of those shabby chic neighbourhoods, much like the meatpacking district in new york. However rental there is relatively cheap(i think) due to the fact that the area isn't the most accessible as well as it being in an area relatively unheard of. If i don't make sense to you, don't worry, it's a local thing, just trust me on the cheap rental. Well, i went down to the place in the pouring rain, hoping for a little chicken soup for my tired soul, hoping to find someone who genuinely loves food, to prepare food, to feed people, to create dishes for others to enjoy. Maybe i'm a sadist, but i geniuinely had high hopes for this place, much like how i genuinely had hopes for other places which let me down with lacklustre food,
service and honestly, not much love if you ask me; if you don't love what you're doing, if you don't love food, i don't think you can make food that's worth eating.

Anyways, i stepped into the place to find a place that was wonderfully done up. The decor was beautiful, white everyone, minimalist. How nice is it you ask? Halfway through my snack there, a couple came in to take their wedding photos. Well, i struck up a conversation with the chef-owner and what i heard from her was a whole lot of whining about how tough the hours were, how tough the work was, and how it wasn't as fun as she though it would be. WHAT. THE. FUCK. First of all, why are you telling a customer that? Want to whine? Go look for your mother, she's much more likely to lend a sympathetic ear. Or maybe a bartender.

And what the hell is so tough about working in that place? There's like a total of 8 dishes that need to be cooked to order?(again, i think) The rest being salads, sandwiches, soups and desserts that can and most likely are cooked beforehand. This being an open concept kitchen, i could observe the badly designed kitchen which must have been a bitch to work in. There was no plating area inside the kitchen so that had to be done outside the kitchen, there were only 2 stovetops so I'm assuming they planned for light workloads. 2 frying machines. That alone doesn't really fill me with confidence. I could go on and on but I'll just take it that you get the message, that it was a very poorly designed kitchen.

The menu? I could go on for days about the menu., but i shall not. Just let me say that using pasta to cook a chinese noodle dish isn't exactly a fresh idea anymore, it's bloody boring. Anyways, has anyone ever tried sticky date pudding? PUDDING! MOIST NO? FUCK NO! Not at this place at least. Dry as hell. Hey, look at the bright side, at least it was freshly baked. Oh, wait, it wasn't? It was heated up in a microwave? Oh. Ok. My bad. You'd also expect a date pudding to taste of dates no? Well, i honestly don't consider a cupcake with a few pieces of chopped up dates and a sticky caramel sauce a sticky date pudding. Oh wells, at least it's
cheap right? Noooooo. 11 bucks for a dry cupcake, a small scoop of decentish vanilla ice cream, 2 slices of unripe strawberries and a gooseberry for garnish. What a bargain.

If this seems to be a very very long and angry rant for a crappy pudding, I'm sorry. I'm angry, I've had way too many crappy meals that I've paid over the top prices for. And too many cases of stomach upsets. Dodgy scallops. Mushrooms sauce that had the flavour of durians due to improper refrigeration of the durian cheesecake that the place also sells. (which also leads to a bad case of the runs btw). Rissotos that had split. Lamb cooked to charry rubbery "goodness" regardless of me assuring them that i wanted it medium rare and that I would take all responsibility should I die eating food that is flavourful and tender.

I'm sick and tired of places that serve me crappy food artfully presented. Anyways, as I paid my bills and was about to leave, I eavesdropped on this interview that was taking place of the chef-owner of said cafe/bookshop. She was going on about molecular gastronomy and talking about how interesting the things that this local place was doing. Yeah, things that el bulli was doing ages ago and this place stole wholesale, right down to presentation. She doesn't know what's going on, she doesn't understand why most chefs are getting excited about molecular
gastronomy. The new textures that are possible, it's now possible to make pineapple mash with xantham gum. It's now possible to make hot ice cream. It's not about the foams, the caviars, the techniques for techniques sake, it's about making a new things possible.

I know this thing is a chore to read, but bear with me, let me get the anger out and I am sure the next post will be better. We now have people who don't love cooking, don't understand cooking,
have no love for ingredients, don't understand the ingredients, and are wasting them cooking and gaining media attention which they frankly don't deserve because they're doing something new, because they're quitting their day jobs to set up a restaurant/cafe.They're ruining things for people who paid their dues in restaurants learning the ropes, putting up with crap pay,long hours, abuse and all that simply to learn a craft. A craft they love. If you don't love it, you wouldn't make the sacrifices.

Tolerance, Acceptance, Question, Respect

2008-03-13T03:09:00.002+11:00

I'm all for religion bashing, I could spend hours telling anyone how stupid religion is and how brainwashed I feel. How I believe that religion is child abuse, breeds a whole race of weaklings/crazy and hysterical people who kill others for merely questioning their belief. There is no limit to how much irritation I feel at people who walk around glassy eyed, looking at the sky and expecting giant sky daddy up there to take care of them in a very selfish and narcissistic manner. Yes yes, shut up, me, we've heard enough about that from you.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I stumbled across a bunch of facebook groups titled "Fuck Islam", "Fuck Christianity", "Fuck Buddhism", etc. I know any comments I post will just be ignored so I decided to write a blog post about it. How ridiculous is that? I know and understand exactly where this person is coming from and in a way, I do respect that. He openly declares his hatred for religion, that's fine. I do too, however to blatantly say Fuck a particular religion?

Instead of opening up debates and forums for intellectual discussion, he has made a few websites that give the impression of religion-bashing. Meh, okay, I enjoy the lengthy debate and destroying someone's belief system but the only time I ever do that is when the particular religious person engages me first. I do not seek out religious people and go, hey, you're stupid.

I think earlier readers may remember a debate I had with Lance when this blog was still in its infancy about how one should be able to challenge another person's belief system. I really agree with this, I really do however I recognise that it is nearly impossible for anyone to do this without having their head blown off, or death threats. In an ideal world, anyone should be able to question anything but this is definitely not the case. You can't go up to a mosque and bash Islam, just like you shouldn't do that at a synagogue, temple or church.

I believe that what we should be teaching is respect which is a very, very tricky thing to achieve. Let's say, I am fully aware of my religion-bashing blog. I respect that some people may be offended by it however they should recognise my freedom of speech. I will definitely respect their wishes should they decide to boycott my blog. It is a silly thing to expect the internet to be policed to the point where I am not allowed to mention my views on religion. Of course, at the same time, I do not go out and make hate groups about religion. I think that goes a bit far. If we seek to integrate everyone, we might find the world a lot more peaceful. Unless of course, the group we are trying to integrate has a bloody attitude problem however, there will always be people who will try to take over the world, destroy the meek, capitalize on other people's misery, etc. What should we do then?

Welcome New Author

2008-03-13T02:42:00.003+11:00

Ok, so I know I haven't been writing as many posts as before but I've kind of hit a brick wall. I don't have that many new ideas as what to rant upon. I'm sorry my readers, anyhow, my best friend, Chin, has expressed that he needs an outlet to vent so I've offered my blog for him to guest write. He's an upcoming chef and food critic, so I'm sure those among you who enjoy the gastronomical aspect of life may enjoy his work.

I hope you readers will give him a warm welcome, he definitely has a lot of awesome cooking tips for everyone. I'd also like to say that I will continue writing on this blog as well, he'll just post things when he finds something new to bitch about.

So glad uni's back

2008-03-12T16:58:00.003+11:00

Thank god, that's all I have to say. I spent most of the holidays being ridiculously bored because I was broke AND was working just as a bartender. Yeah whatever I said it, just a bartender, just a construction worker and yes, JUST A NURSE. That's right, why do they think it's so easy for people with higher paying jobs. Anyone can pour drinks and clear bedpans, not everyone can perform brain surgery, practice law or work in a multinational corporation, etc. You know, you could be whatever you want to be, as long as you don't expect me to feel sorry for you.

Whatever you do defines you. Previously, I was a bummy uni student who was sucking her parents dry now, I'm a bummy uni student who works nights as a bartender but during the holidays, I was a just scummy bartender. That's fine with me, I do not have the skills yet to do what I want to do, but I will eventually. I'm not saying that you shouldn't treat everyone with respect, I'm just saying that you shouldn't have to treat people that have shitty jobs with extra care. Beyond the glamour, all jobs are shit and I shouldn't have to feel sorry for somebody else just because they're in the wrong profession.

Someone was telling me about how he has to get up at 3am in the morning and fly all around Australia for his job as some machine techie, blah blah. What the fuck am I supposed to say? I'm sorry that you're too stupid, can't commit to three years at uni or start your own business to make you more money so that you're not miserable? Then he goes on and tells me that uni graduates are useless. Yeah, fine. We're useless. I hope you never come to me with a brain tumour, mother fucker. We'll see how useless I am then, huh?

That really irritates me. Sure I'll be irritated that somebody has more money than me but I'd work to get to the point where I'd earn more. I don't see why people don't have this perspective and instead, expect to be given the same amount of income as people with higher level skills.

After that, I fucking hate bums. I hate bums so much, I know it wouldn't really matter if I gave them some of my change but fuck them. I work for my money, if they get beyond their fucking heroin habits or realise that they were going broke in the first place I'm sure there's SOME way for this whole bum thing to be prevented. In Singapore where there is no welfare, there is but a handful of baskers compared to the freaking heaps you see just walking around expecting you to give them cigarettes and change.

Trying a positive post

2008-03-03T16:32:00.002+11:00

Most of my blog posts tend to be quite critical. It's not so much the fact that I do not recognise the beauty of things, I am just better at writing long rants about how pissed off I am compared to how happy I am. When I'm happy, I normally just take it in and shut up so you won't really hear me say oh wow, blah. Well, sometimes. I've gotten a camera recently so I might take more pretty pictures of things. I have to say how beautiful Australia really is, the sky is such a deep shade of blue and the foliage is amazing. Yeah, that's all I have to say about that.

Anyway, for all the things I say about Singapore, there has to be a few good things I can say about my home country. I'm proud to be Singaporean, sometimes, where I can freely admit that it takes a few hours to get anything done, at the most. Ever. You have problems with internet? Fixed within the day. Water problems? The day. Electricity? As long as you pay your bills, you're fine. Phone calls are relatively cheap, cab fares are still cheap compared to Australia. You want to check something? Just call some customer service centre, it will be sorted for you within the day. In Australia, it took a full 30 days to get my internet connected. My electricity got cut off for no apparent reason, I had to convince them that I yes, I do live here which is probably how I know that it got cut off in the first place?

It's ridiculously efficient in Singapore which is what makes us Singaporeans really spoilt. You want to wait for public transport for more than 15 minutes? Yeah right, just doesn't happen. A train comes every 3-4 minutes during rush hour and at a maximum of 10 minutes during off peak times. 10 minutes? Yeah, that's too long for the average Singaporean, we have to get there NOW! Even cabs, there are times when finding a cab is near impossible but we have taxi stands almost everywhere and a large force of retrenched businessmen driving them. That always makes for good conversation, hey, at least I'm entertained?

Technology moves at a ridiculously fast rate in Singapore as well. We scoff at Australia's pretentious lcd tv placements in cafes. So what, we say. We have touch screen tvs in taxis, lcd tvs with their own channel in our buses and tvs in our trains. Yeah, that's right, televisions everywhere. Even so, we have major shopping centres dedicated to hardware with little shops competing with each other in price, warranty promises and performance. Yeah lah, I know I talk big one, for all Singaporeans reading this but they don't have this kind of thing overseas.

We also have the multi-purpose student card, which is an absolute favourite of mine. Use the same card for student identification, student discounts, bus fare, train fare and even McDonalds. Yes, it's called the Ezylink system, adults have a version without the identification card bit which is fine. All you have to do is swipe the card when you get on or off buses and trains and even McDs. We also have coke machines that we can send smses to and get drinks.

We have other things in Singapore to be proud of, like the fact that it takes an hour to get from one end of the island to the other. Before anyone bitches about how Singapore's really small therefore we can, not true. It is due to the fact that we have super efficient infrastructure that is able to support 6 million people on a tiny island and cope with that much human traffic whether by bus, train or car. The food's also really great although quite as good as the other South East Asian countries.

We all know how much I hate the education system in Singapore. It's true, it did not cater to my genius. HAH, nah although I do have a LOT of qualms with the education system, I have to admit that for a person of AVERAGE or lower intelligence the education system gives you fair go. The problem in Australia's education system is that it seems to push for mediocrity, more people passing. They learn things when they're 16 that we learn when we're 13. This is good and bad, we learn at a faster pace but with minimal understanding whereas they learn at a slower pace with a firmer grasp on the concepts and are able to apply it more readily than we are.

Health care? Well, public polyclinics are 3 bucks a visit if you're a student. It's still really cheap and although they won't give you leave unless you've got a really high fever anyway, who cares? Even private gps are 10 bucks a consult, how awesome is that? Where else can they say that?

Last of all, the safety. I normally walk home at 4am at night without a single care in my mind. It's a whole lot more safe in Singapore than most other countries in the world and I really appreciate that. Of course throughout the course of my life I have focused on the negative aspects but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate what Singapore has given me. Will I continue to harp on the negative? Definitely, they're the things that need changing the most and that's exactly what people should focus on. We'd still be in caves if people like me didn't go, this is shit, let's make it better.

Fuck YOU Infomercial

2008-02-28T13:25:00.002+11:00

Yeah, that's it. Fuck infomercials! I mean, besides the fact that they waste valuable minutes of my life everyday while I watch the morning show or after normal tv programming has concluded at night, they give false promises of hope to the miserable and depressed all around. What assholes, I freaking hate marketing people. I mean you know, I would love to shed a couple of kilos, whiten my teeth, get rid of this ANNOYING pimple I have that seems to have taken residence on my face, maybe help with storage, get rid of stains in my carpet, fuck ironing, help with my erection, etc, but I won't. They lie! They all bloody lie!

Every fucking infomercial has the same thing:

1. How it works - Isn't it just fucking peaches? This product that will cost you a small fortune that we probably got little kids in China make to 50 cents will work OR 30 DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!
2. Scientific evidence - Here's Dr Fuckwit, getting paid a couple of hundred to stand in front of a camera, look pretty and lie about the 2% success rate. I mean, it works! For 2 out of 100 people! WOOH!
3. Charts, diagrams and animated videos - Nothing like bright flashing colours and professional looking bullshit to distract you from the fact that it won't work, it will never work and you can dream on, buddy.
4. Testimonials - WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE ANYWAY!? As if I care about some no-name asshole who MIGHT have tried this product and then proceeds to go on television and talks about it. How gay is that? How would the infomercial makers know about these idiots anyway? BECAUSE IT'S ALL LIES!
5. Optional celebrity endorsement - There's nothing like celebrity endorsement, for the average joe who thinks out of his/her ass, celebrities are like gods who never lie. You know, because they don't lie for a living. Oh, I earn millions of dollars but I would buy this piece of shit for 30 bucks a month, that's 1 dollar a day! I wouldn't DREAM of undergoing plastic surgery! Oh ha ha ha.
6. The payment breakdown - For 5 easy payments of 29.95 (=149.75), you can get this piece of shit plus OTHER STUFF ABSOLUTELY FREE with a 30 DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!

ARGH! Fuck you, you damn infomercials that profit on the shattered hopes and dreams of degenerate, lazy or genetically unfortunate individuals (man that will SO be a politically correct term for inferior genes) who're trying their best to look decent! Stop tempting me to spend cash on your false promises of rock hard abs and the best butt that money and time can buy!

I'm a pretentious c word

2008-02-25T16:42:00.008+11:00

I've been thinking about decorating my house for awhile and am finally in possession of the cash to do so. You'd think that's a girl's dream come true right? No, fuck no. I'm not one of those types of girls. It took me 21 years to learn how to put make up on by myself, another 6 months to think about shoe shopping while fighting the urge to stab myself in the eye and it's taking me even longer to decorate the house in a... Pleasant... Manner.

See, I was going to buy posters and stick em up on the long white walls in my apartment. However I also have to consider the Javanese sculptures that my sister might be giving me, what would clash and what wouldn't. I'm trying to pretend that since I am a student, I shouldn't know better anyway and everyone else can kiss my ass. Well not really, I don't think anything excuses bad taste. It's times like these that I feel really old seeing as how most classmates tend to have posters of potheads and bands on their walls.

So... These are a few of the art prints that I'm considering for my house. I was thinking of one room being a little bit more urban/modern and I might do that for my room but the living room gets these...

Go Vincent Van Gogh, there's nothing like a deranged psychopath's painting to brighten up a room. This is Starry Night over the Rhone, I love the way he paints.

This is Still Life with Flowers. My friend commented that most of the paintings I like tend to have a more night/deathly/twisted feel to them. So I decided to include this one as it might brighten up the house before people realise it's not as bright as it seems to be?

Wheatfield with Cypresses. Yeah, I don't really like this one but I might cave in so the house seems a little brighter than it really is. We're shaded from the sun which is a blessing in this Australian sun so, you know. Pfft, bright colours? Yeah right.

Yeah, I'm not resizing this one too much, you have to see how brilliant this painting is. This is definitely going up somewhere and I don't care how dark it makes the house look. It's bloody brilliant, I can't even begin to think of words that show how much I love this one. The Silence of Light by James Coleman.

Swans Reflecting Elephants, one of my more favourite Dali works. You see, I would love a lot more of his work if he didn't keep slipping his damned wife into them all the time!

Ok, so I had more paintings to put up but blogger won't let me so I might try doing it again later but for now I'll just name them and you can look them up if you care.

Dali - Burning Giraffes in Brown, The Elephants, The Dream, The Broken Bridge and Dream, The Apotheosis of Homer, Christ of St John of the Cross, etc.

Anyway, tell me what you think, I think I have space for about 3 - 4 of them.

Some doctors...

2008-02-21T11:14:00.002+11:00

I went to the doctor recently because I've had problems sleeping for months. It took me about half an hour to convince her that I wasn't lying even though my medical records CLEARLY STATE that I've had long running bouts of insomnia at LEAST since I've been here (5 years). I understand you need to weed out the drug addicts from the insomniacs however you can just check my fucking records instead of getting me to pay an extra 30 bucks for overshooting the 20 minute consultation fee.

That's not all, I repeatedly told her that I did NOT want stillnox as I've had bad experiences with it before and I'd much rather something else. She kept talking about how addictive the other substances are. Dude, IF I WANTED SOMETHING ADDICTIVE I WOULD HAVE GONE TO A FUCKING DRUG DEALER! Run off to a fucking government sponsored heroin house than a freaking clinic. I don't give a flying fuck how addictive the other sleeping pills are, I do care about spending more than 100 bucks for medication that has caused me harm before. I've even been waking up at night while taking them which is ridiculous! I'm going back there soon and complaining to another doctor because this is preposterous.

The very fact that some doctors have the deduction skills of a spastic 5 year old irritates the living shit out of me. I don't need to pay for the skill set of a fuckwit. See, if I needed help diagnosing myself of meningitis I'd have more respect for her. Unfortunately, patient enters room with long history of insomnia. Normally takes a slab of sleeping pills for the year to keep her schedule in check. Has happened 3 times over 5 years, patient has been there for a variety of shit and didn't ask for sleeping pills. Do I sound like a fucking drug addict to you? Unless you're retarded I'd assume that you were just trying to weasel more money out of me.

Then there's the stillnox thing, my old doctor wrote 'has a bad reaction to stillnox' on my medical records. I have to barricade my door so I don't walk around when on it. I've even had memory loss. I really do not enjoy having to do that at all and I don't see why I have to pay to get that feeling. Not forgetting that I wake up in the middle of the night slumping around furniture and acting stupid. All in all, I'm really irritated with this doctor, she did not really listen or assess my needs as well as she should. Some people should have their licenses taken from them.

Above average

2008-02-19T09:08:00.003+11:00

Being of average intelligence means that every 2nd person you meet is more stupid than you are. Being above average intelligence, say about... 75% means that about every 4 people you meet, 3 people will be more stupid than you are. Considering that one is in the top 25th percentile, let us assume that there are 6 billion people in the world. (Don't know the number, can't be bothered to find out). That would mean that 4.5 billion of them are less intelligent than you are.

Honestly, I didn't even think about this until a friend brought it up the other night. It literally made me sit up and sent chills down my spine. Eep.

Sorry, sorry

2008-02-18T02:15:00.003+11:00

I haven't posted anything in ages, it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I seem to be posting less and less, and I do apologize but I cannot help it. It's not the fact that I've been working almost everyday for the past two weeks, or that I'm afraid of my boss reading my blog because he can see it on my facebook profile, or the fact that most of my opinions might get me fired, hehehehe but that I've just seemed to lose my inner voice.

My inner voice has plagued me since I was a child, always thinking and never shutting the hell up. I used to do anything I could to drown it out like reading books, watching television, you know, mindless shit that kids do nowadays to destroy their mental well-being. Yeah. Now it seems, I have succeeded. Well, sort of. I still think about the same things that I rant about over and over again like my frustration with religion, fundie environmentalists and stupidity. Then again, all topics seem to link to stupidity and ignorance.

There seems to be an underlying trend though, people just following something so blindly and being told that it is wrong without considering the other side of the fence. For example, deforestation and development. I can understand a person's fury if a forest were cleared for a golf course however, I cannot understand a person's fury if it's for a new housing estate or industry. Obviously the land is needed for the benefit of human lives, would we deny third world countries the same sort of development that we have already done? It's really easy for someone to say this when they've had clean running water, a solid roof over their heads and a walmart for all their needs. Curse those people in huts and shanty towns, how dare they destroy our planet. Why don't they recycle? Those savages!

Why don't people think about these things, it's not that hard, really. I mean, all you have to do is consider a topic beyond what any medium has told you. I blame the intarweb and mobile phone entertainment. Obviously human ignorance has been happening since the beginning of history but you'd think with the... increased(?) free flow of information that, that would have been abolished. Nope, now it's worse because we don't have an excuse. It's worse now because children would have been exposed to more information than their grandparents and not have enough time to digest that information.

As a person who is guilty of trying to destroy her mind in her younger days, I can understand it. Keep your mind busy, don't think. Play a mobile game, listen to some music, watch a movie, watch television, go play a sport, go sleep, etc. We all hate to be bored, but sometimes it's necessary. It is when we are bored that we ponder the great questions of life. My theory is that instead of the toilet being the throne of contemplation, the toilet is just a place where we are shut out from any external information and are thus able to ponder and think. Unless of course, we have a mobile phone.

Now with the dawn of mobile entertainment and the cursed mp3 player, everybody may be entertained at all times of the day and never have to think. We have become the zombies that our predecessors have warned us about. Just steps away from Orwell's 1984 but then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we were all zombies in the first place, it's just that now we're entertained zombies. Huh, how about that?

(Hey, managed to rant quite a bit about not being able to rant. Yeah!)

Hypothetical question

2008-02-07T09:10:00.000+11:00

A man asks god if he can do anything, and god replies in the affirmative. Man asks god to make a rock so big that god himself cannot lift it. God does, then the man asks him to lift it.

I love this question, my sister is much older than me and I was fortunate enough to hear this from her before my mother shushed her. When we were kids, my mother would bring us to Sunday school. We would learn all about how muslims should behave. I remember the first time I went there and tried to sit in front but was not allowed to because I am female. I had to sit at the back, so I did. We were told in one breath that women were meant to be respected and in another that women need to cover themselves all the time. Women are meant to be shunned when they have their period because it is an illness and they are unclean.

I digress though, the muslim guy that I have been debating with told me to check out a particular youtube video that deals with this question. After a whole load of bullshit, he finally got to the point. The point is, the rock is in creation but god isn't. So the rock can be lifted or not based on what god says. WRONG.

If he could move the rock, that means it wasn't bloody immobile in the first place.

On a side note, the fact that people can be bullshitted into something so illogical makes me afraid to sleep at night.

Courage?

2008-02-03T08:52:00.000+11:00

I've started debating Islam with a muslim man from Egypt not too long ago. It was really sad yet encouraging at the same time. I was quite thrilled at the fact that I was able to have a long discussion and debate what I saw to be hypocrisies and contradictions in Islam with this man. However as the debate drew on, it was quite obvious to me that he was just not open to any discussion based on his religion.

I couldn't criticize the prophet, all his 9 marriages were all apparently political. It doesn't matter if he had slept with the women he was wed to, they were married. Besides the fact that there was a ridiculous number for one man to have, a supposed shining example for how people were supposed to behave on earth. How am I supposed to believe in this man who would somehow go on to acquire such a large harem? A man who believed in slavery and rape. A man who married and indulged in sexual intercourse with a 9 year old. Is that not paedophilia? All these things angered the man, he just said I was misinformed. How can I be? The facts are right there, it is only the interpretation which could have been botched. I can't insult the prophet, I can't question the things he did.

I couldn't criticize the Quran. Besides the fact that the prophet was illiterate and only read out while someone else wrote it down. Most of the people he told it to died during the great wars. There was no way for the prophet to proof read what his scribe wrote down, even still it was written and circulated after the prophet's death. How are we to be certain that it is indeed true? Then there is the question of the contradictions stated in this book but who am I to question, apparently all translations are all wrong. Everything has to be a mistranslation although for the life of me, why would an all-wise being set out to confuse the majority of the world by keeping it in one language without any possibility of getting anyone else to fully understand his word? Unless he didn't want them to understand, by causing the muslims who weren't Arab to follow blindly under penalty of demons and hell.

I never learned Arabic, I refused to. If Allah created the world and everything in it, he was surely aware of other languages present. Why is it only in Arabic? It is to prevent mistranslation? Perhaps, however a more likely explanation is so as to keep the rest of us aloof. The real word should be easily accessible to everyone. It would contain simple guidelines on how a person should behave and shouldn't hide in mystic poetry. What every muslim learns is the history of Islam and the prophet's journey, how to read and write Arabic (the Quran), the philosophy and meaning behind what Islam is. Of course, I've heard all the wonderful things about Islam and how peaceful it should be however in the Quran and Bible too, for idiots reading this, that slavery and rape is okay. Mistreatment of women is okay. How do you negate this? The man said I was misinformed, again. He gave me arguments that would only make sense in the 7th century. It does not fit our world at this stage anymore.

He says all the evil people acting out have a warped understanding of the Quran. How can so many muslims be misinformed? Who is to blame here? Is it the method of teaching? Is it the fact that the Quran is only in Arabic? Is it because if there wasn't such sentences in the Quran, perhaps the misinterpretations would not be possible. Could it be more likely a result of the education systems imposed in such countries? What about brainwashing and the fear of hell? How am I supposed to know, I am but one apostate.

That's another thing, I realised that I don't know this muslim man. I'm not afraid to let my opinions be known, if Islam can claim to be tolerant to other people's beliefs I don't see why being an apostate should not be an issue. But you're not allowed to leave, the Quran states that I should be killed. Islam also states the greatest sin is killing, but you know, if I rejected the teachings of the Quran I should be killed.

This muslim man said that if I wanted to answer all my questions on Islam that I should write all my questions down on a piece of paper and research the answer and once all my questions were satisfied that there is no possible way that I will reject Islam. Bullshit, I've written pages and pages of questions. Most answers are circular and designed for the stupid. There are many like me, many apostates who are afraid to tell their friends and loved ones their decision. Many of them hide their names and faces, pretending to be muslim to escape physical or sexual harm. It is dangerous for one to advertise being an apostate but I hope I give strength to others who read this post. We shouldn't need to be afraid for our lives by wanting to live on our own terms.

Not to seem too anti-christ

2008-01-30T00:49:00.000+11:00

Fundamentalist Islam irritates me too. A lot, more so because I was actually raised muslim so they have a more personal twist in my chest than fundie christianity. It's not as if the two don't have a lot in common. It's not as if the people in both don't act almost identically. They both quote from their inaccurate historical texts, they are both emotional and spiritual and they both get upset when everyone else doesn't listen to what they say.

For most conflicts, it is very easy to fall into the trap of misinformation. People watch their respective news coverage and get influenced by how their particular media portrays the same events. It is not unusual for Christians to misunderstand Islamic philosophy and the same goes for Muslims and Western/Christian philosophy. It is always easier to find faults in either without noticing the beauty of both.

Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace, it teaches cleanliness and hygiene, it instills discipline and love and respect for one's parents. It teaches you respect for other people's religions, respect to god and your fellow man. It definitely instills respect for women and community, this shown by the practice of giving money to your parents where your mother gets 3x the amount given to your father. There are many other examples of how women are supposed to be respected.

Why do they do it? Why are they forcing women to be nothing more than uneducated slaves in their own homes? Why must they always be in the presence of men when they go outside? Why is it the woman's fault for being raped? It isn't only a religious thing, if history has taught us anything isn't it more likely the usual sexist bullshit? It is just that the Islamic countries are being bigger assholes about it in a time where the West has conquered it, somewhat? Why don't we bitch at the asian communities for making women second class as well? Why isn't anyone talking about the fact that female Chinese babies are being aborted more often than male? Why doesn't anyone want to acknowledge that female Chinese babies were killed by the thousands at a time where abortion was illegal (not too long ago)?

You know why? Because we are not being educated, and it is not the fault of the government. It is your fault. You are not searching for the facts, whether you are muslim or christian, western or eastern. You are the ones who are not searching for the truth beyond what the media easily puts on your own lap. Go pick up a book that wasn't originally written in your own language, go read up on the history of the "clash of civilizations", stop taking everything at face value. Take a note of who wrote the books/newspapers you're reading, their background and philosophies and financial/political stakes. Stop being idiots.

Sigh

2008-01-29T02:34:00.000+11:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted things in awhile. It's not that I've been busy, it's just that I guess I have nothing to be rattled about besides the usual things like religion and general stupidity. So I guess I'll have to bitch about that this time although anyone who's read me for more than 6 months knows that this has been a long time coming.

So, what's up my butt today? Westboro baptist church. Why? No, it's not because I care about Heath Ledger. I've never met the guy and I really don't see the difference between one actor's life and someone else's on the street. Yeah, I'm that type of person. That's another thing I don't understand, why people get so involved with some actor's life just because he's young, died, boohoo. People with talent and potential die everyday, I don't see various award ceremonies for them.

Anyway, back to Westboro baptist church. I cannot even begin to explain how annoyed I am at their ridiculous actions. Granted, I don't really care for Heath Ledger, I don't see the need for them to protest at his funeral. So he played a fictional character on a movie screen, so what? Did god forget to put in a special filter in your brain that distinguishes reality from fiction? How could I forget, that's the whole basis of your ridiculous belief system. Honestly though, if you were this annoying when Jesus was around, you could have protested at his execution and I probably wouldn't be here, half as annoyed as I am with the very fact of your existence.

It honestly disgusts me that I have to share the Earth and my existence with people like the followers of the Westboro baptist church and other stupid fundamentalist groups that exist. I'm not saying all religion is bad, I'm just saying that perhaps it would be wise to instill some wisdom or independence in followers so they're not such idiots. Fuck faith, I do not work on faith.Faith hasn't done shit all for the world lately besides make millions of people dependent on a being who, more often than not, doesn't answer prayers.

Heath was an actor, you retard. His job was to tell stories, he was really good at what he did. Even if he was a bad actor, that doesn't mean you have the right to protest at his funeral. Homosexuality, whether it is a choice or genetically predetermined has nothing to do with anyone else than the actual people involved in the relationship. I yearn for the day we're allowed to protest churches. I can't possibly be part of a select group of people who think the church is full of shit. There has to be more of us, there just has to be.

I feel really held back

2008-01-22T06:57:00.000+11:00

I just want to get out there and get a job. I just want to make my mark, and I'm itching to go. Many people seem to tell me that I should enjoy my uni life and shut up about it, but screw them. It doesn't scare me that the job may be hard, that I may get a shitty boss in the future or whatever normal complaint that people with jobs have. Maybe it's because I'm young, but I really would love to have a crack at research. Just one chance, I'm definitely sure I'll be able to do better than most.

I'd come to work early and stay late just so I can get results, I'm more than proficient in laboratory techniques and even if I wasn't, you'd only have to tell me once before I'd get the hang of it. Come on people with jobs, offer a lab assistant job that I can do while I'm at uni. I can't afford going for work experience because of this ridiculous time limit set for international students. We're only allowed to work 20 hours a week, which is bullshit. I can't do work experience and pay my own bills that way! Bastards, that's seriously wrong. You're only nice to the migrants when you need us.

I just want to go forward, I'm sick of staying at uni and doing experiments that are at least 10 years old. I want to do new things, test new boundaries and destroy old ones. I want to be skeptical and haughty to the stupid people, not that I'm not already but the job brings more validation. I feel like I'm rearing to go and it is really annoying that I have to wait another year to finish my degree, maybe do honours, go into a postgraduate program, blah. BLAH. I'd still be awesome. Very, very awesome. Screw that, I'd be the best toilet cleaner in the world if that was my chosen profession.

Another pro smoking post

2008-01-20T07:27:00.000+11:00

Yes, damnit. I believe I have the right to smoke and destroy my own body in my own special way. I don't think anyone else has the right to tell me otherwise. A whiff of cigarette smoke has little to no effect on the innocent bystander as much as they'd want to bitch otherwise. What's the real issue here, is it the unpleasant smell or the real fear for their health? I don't really believe it's the health thing, come on, are you serious?

Can you honestly tell me that you take soooo much care of your body that warrants the amount of bitching I get just for a little bit of smoke? Do you ever have junk food? Do you ever have soft drinks? Did you get all your shots yet? Do you go for regular health check ups? Is all your food organic? Eating any genetically modified foods? Exercise regularly? Yeah, thought so. Not everyone's a saint and I highly doubt inhaling the odd whiff of smoke causes any damage. At all. Quit bitching at me.

The best thing is the propaganda that goes along with it. The graphic images that is supposed to prevent people from smoking. A lot of the time smoking isn't the only factor in them getting to that point. For example, look at that picture over there. Do you honestly think that if I had a cancerous growth on my neck that I wouldn't get it checked before it got to the point where my whole neck was being eaten? How stupid do you have to be, honestly, to not get yourself checked as soon as ANY weird growths appear anywhere? Yes, I know there's a billion other things like oh, fatty deposits on your arteries. Here's a hint, yeah it's contributes but wouldn't it be more helpful to put those fries down? Yeah? Maybe? Gangrene? Mostly in conjunction with diabetes which reduces blood flow. Here's another hint, do some exercise to help with circulation.

If they're targeting smoking based on a purely "health" concern, where will it end? Are they going to ban the production of sugar? Are they going to put an age limit on the purchase junk food? If, in all honesty, you can lecture someone on the basis that they're ruining their health or stunting their development then isn't it obvious that we should be turning to this bs as well? Where is the line, people? There is none, it's all, "let's get rid of the smelly people" then it'll be "let's get rid of the fat people, I shouldn't have to look at that." Not that they don't already do that, but a ban on pesticide usage/fatty foods/soft drinks might be next on the agenda. What horrible campaign ads are you going to use then? Morbidly obese people washing themselves with a sponge on a stick?

Isn't one of life's joys the ability to do little things like this that make you happy? Smoking makes me happy, hell, doing a lot of unhealthy things make me extremely happy. Is a future where everything is decided for us so tempting? A machine will analyse your fecal matter and urine and give you the supplementation that you need. It will measure your heart rate, muscle mass, fat mass, etc and give you nutrition accordingly. Yeah, cool, less to think about. I mean, you may hate my love of smoking but I probably hate you more. Oops, did I type that? I meant one man's meat another man's poison. Yeah.

EEEEEEEEEEEW

2008-01-18T05:58:00.000+11:00

I was looking at the stats at my site and realised that 86 people in the past month have typed kiddy sex industry and got to my site. EEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!! You're sick, you sick bastards. I know how it feels like when you're young and know nothing about sex and older people take advantage of it. You guys make me sick. SICK

And another thing

2008-01-15T16:26:00.000+11:00

What is it with people who don't talk to you awhile and just ask you for some advice out of the blue? Obviously I'm more than willing to help a fellow human being, cough, but fucked if I would help a human being who only speaks to me for the sole purpose of extracting some knowledge from me. It irritates me to no end, honestly, sometimes I feel used for having this knowledge just because lots of people are just too lazy to type a phrase in google and find out the answer for themselves. The worst thing is when they ask me medical questions. Sure, I probably know more than you but most of my knowledge comes from... Google. If GOOGLE has helped me, I am sure that it will help you too.

I've decided I'm not helping anyone again unless they bother talking to me regularly. Honestly, it's really rude to message someone after a few months of silence just to ask a question and go on your merry way. It's even more annoying when it happens a number of times. especially from this particular person. God, I hate that guy, I seriously do. Fucking calling me from overseas to get answers, fuck off.

Good riddance, go find someone else to bother.

Back

2008-01-14T21:24:00.000+11:00

Fucking finally, that's all I can say. It's only when you don't have an outlet that you wish to scream at the top of your lungs the billions of things that piss you off. I HAD a billion things to bitch about which all disappeared as soon as my modem's ADSL blinker came on after a month of no internet.

You know, sometimes I really do wonder about reality. Is my reality the same as another's reality, are we living in a shared reality or do we govern it based on our own thoughts, emotions and physical attributes? The reason why I ask this is because, I cannot believe how stupid some people are. Especially, when it's obvious to one how flawed their pathetic attempt at logic is, how miserable and stupid they must have been to come up with said logic and how annoying watching the outcome will be. Then again, does this have to do with reality or intelligence, perhaps reality is shaped by your intelligence and your ability to interpret your surroundings properly.

Blah, I think I'm too nice, I'm actually a really mean bitch and I think I'd be a much happier person if I didn't feel the socially acceptable need to be pleasant all the damn time. I mean, so what if you don't like me, I probably don't like you either so there's no need for us to have to talk to each other. No, no, that's not true. I like a lot of people, you get those gems of people sometimes who're so wonderful sometimes that you just love being around them. People whom you are proud to call friend. The vast majority tend to be people that you want to swing an axe at. Man, I'm such an asshole, but I feel happier embracing it rather than suppressing it.

The Female Orgasm

2007-11-27T05:13:00.000+11:00

The female orgasm is a very fleeting and wonderful phenomenon. It is probably one of those things that reaffirms people's beliefs in the existence of a celestial being. It's been said that many women do not experience an orgasm through sexual intercourse which is very, very sad indeed. Thankfully, with the internet and a more open society, information is readily available to any woman who is in need of help in this area.

The history of the female orgasm seems to be a very sad one. In western cultures, if a woman had an orgasm she was deemed a witch. It was considered bad or satanic for a woman to be able to have orgasms in the first place. Now we know that women are capable of orgasms and even female ejaculation as well. All I can say is that I am extremely thankful for living in a day and age where the female orgasm is not a stranger to women who bother to prepare for its heavenly arrival.

As most magazines will tell you, orgasms don't happen by magic. Women tend to need more effort to achieve the orgasm than men do. Magazines also tell women to touch themselves in order to determine what works for them. Every single body is wired a little differently, what works for one may not work for the other so it is necessary for a woman to be able to convey to their partners of the night what their preferences are. It is also true that the more often you have an orgasm, the easier it is to achieve them during sex as well. There are a variety of ways a woman may be able to achieve her own orgasm, the easiest one being just an ordinary vibrator.

Sex without orgasming is like going to the gym and sweating your ass off without seeing any difference on those thighs of yours. Unfortunately I do know many female friends who've had sex but haven't been able to get off, some having their first orgasm in their late 20s. There just isn't any point to having sex if you're not going to cum, it shouldn't just be a man's territory. Sure the friction is nice, but it doesn't get you off. My only advice is, don't be afraid when you're close. Personally, I was afraid before I had my first orgasm. Whenever I got close to it, I would stop just because the feelings were too foreign to me but once I experienced it for the first time, it was incredible and I've never looked back.

That's really why cultures which promote the mutilation of female body parts are horrifically grotesque and wrong. I mean, I'm all for cultural diversity but every single woman should have the right to pleasure and release. Besides, it's incredibly painful! I question the sanity of women who have their hymens sewn back up and even more so women whose clitori have been removed. Nobody should have to live through the torment of not ever going through one of life's fundamental experiences.

I could go on and on about the female orgasm but I won't. I'm sure most womens magazines and pornography give more than enough information to women about their parts and how to get off. I really think we should have an Ooh week, raise awareness and increase information flow about the female orgasm to everyone.

Animals

2007-11-22T02:19:00.000+11:00

We're all animals. Some insist on making the distinction between man and animal even though the two are one and the same. It's hard to think of animals as social creatures with any sort of politics, favouritism, jealousy, the will to kill or the compassion to save. These are all originally human attributes that we thought animals did not possess. But they do.

Insects have been found to be social creatures. It is well known that bees and ants build colonies and set up mini worlds under the ground or on a tree. There's synergistic effort amongst the individuals in order for the group to survive. What's even been discovered is that some ants steal eggs from another ant colony and raise them as slaves to do extra work for their own colony. Sound familiar?

Other animals are also known for their social behaviour such as wolves and lions, etc. Everyone always has an alpha which is the dude in charge who is the strongest, and the omega which is the weakest. There is no doubt that the omega will jump at the chance to rise up the ranks, bottom feeders do, of course. The alpha and the rest of the pack bully the omega and make him submit to their will. There's group politics involved, of course. The alpha gets to have all the girls, the omega gets dumped with the horrible jobs and eats last. Sound familiar again?

Last but not least, our closest relative: The Chimpanzee. Chimpanzees are well, they look incredibly similar to us. They are capable of human-like expression on their faces. They're playful and are able to learn, just like children do. It's also been found that chimps pass on knowledge from one generation to the next. Chimps in one region tend to have different skill sets from chimps from another region.

What isn't talked about is the fact that they've sought out and murdered their own kind before. It was shocking for me to hear as well, I was under the impression that man was the only one to actively seek the destruction of his own kind but we're not alone. I remember watching this documentary of a chimp attack. They hunted a rival group's chimp and they tortured him while he was still alive. They ripped his scrotum off, and proceeded to beat on his chest until his broken ribs poked out of their skin. Brutal? Truly. I just thought it was appropriate to show the extent of the brutality that is present in other species. It is true that non-human animals aren't taught morality, however if their own is hurt or injured, they defend their own.

Things like this make me wonder if human behaviour is more governed by genetics than we initially thought.

Growing up

2007-11-18T21:32:00.000+11:00

I've come a long way since a few years ago when I left my home country and started living on my own here. It was a bit of a stretch seeing as how I had only barely turned 17 and was living with my sister and her ex husband. I admit I was pretty immature at the time and I didn't know half of the things that I know now but that's okay.

I'm glad I've moved out. There's a lot to be said about living on your own and making your own way. I could easily say that I wasn't ready at all, when I first took the plunge but I'm glad I did. I came out a lot better for it. At least now I'm more prepared for the future, having a job and full time uni work load has taught me about prioritizing and time management.

I'm at a really happy place right now. I'm not so depressed anymore, I don't feel like everything's out of my control anymore. It's great, I recommend it to anyone who wants to try.

I've been busy

2007-11-18T03:13:00.000+11:00

I'm looking for a place to live now. Hope I get this particular place just because it's fucking gorgeous and I've fallen in absolute love with it.

So time for some random musings...

Lance claims that most of my arguments and philosophies are ridiculously based on a biological standpoint. Well it is, I ache for the day people will be more inclined to realise that their brain and body play a centre role in personality and human to human interaction. I still maintain that I do not believe in instinct, that is an archaic and simplistic way to view biological function. I do not believe in its existence for one second . Genetic imprinted memory may occur, but that is still expressed via protein synthesis, it's not just some magical and intangible concept.

Another thing he's asked me is, how do I explain love? Well I can't, honestly. It conflicts with most of my beliefs, unfortunately. I also can't say that I don't believe in love, although one has to admit that it is a very, very rare thing. You don't always get love in places you expect. Some parents hate their children, some siblings, some men despise their women, some women hate their friends but we all pretend to be civil so we don't go to jail.

I think at this current point in time, it's hard to say what really is love. I know it's cold of me to denounce the most celebrated feeling in the world, but I can't help it. It must be studied and dissected as well! Why do we fall in love? Is it really so we protect our young? Does it just make things easier for child bearing? Is there really such a thing as love at first sight? Is it better to play mind games to sustain a relationship or is being straightforward is the better path to choose?

Frankly, I believe in love at first smell. Yeah, smell. I don't mean cologne smell, I mean HIS smell needs to be pleasing.

Genetics - Why so hard to believe?

2007-11-10T00:37:00.000+11:00

One of the reasons flu vaccinations are practically redundant is because viruses evolve at such a fast rate that by the time they develop one, the virus would have evolved beyond what they originally made the vaccine from. Truthfully, viruses don't evolve quickly, their lifespans are only a few hours long so their rate of evolution shouldn't be something that is shocking.

Currently, the medical field is able to provide a variety of cures for a variety of microbial infections. Another phenomenon that has been seen is the fact that microbes are getting stronger due to natural selection. The ones that are resistant to normal treatments survive, pass on their genetic material to future generations, and it goes on and on.

This happens over the span of a couple of years, now consider if humans lived as long as microbes. Is it so hard to believe that over the span of a few "weeks/months/years" or thousand/million/billion years that we couldn't have evolved from something that looked completely different?

I wonder why religious people find it so hard to believe that we evolved from microbes. If you can believe an invisible being in the sky can magically clump some dust together and make it alive and think, surely you can believe a much more rational explanation? There are many shapes and sizes of animals in the world now, whatever worked for that particular species has kept it alive till today. That's just the thing, whatever works, lives. Whatever doesn't work or isn't suitable at that point in time, dies. That's just the fact, it's such a simple concept that a child could understand it without blinking. Sometimes random mutations or environmental changes occur, and we eventually popped out. We're mutants, I'm sure if humanity was left to its own devices and was separated for a long enough period, they would have evolved into different species.

Does it matter how we got here? Isn't the point that we ARE here? That we are able to interpret the surroundings, appreciate beauty, listen to music, taste a variety of wonderful dishes and feel emotion and different textures?

I liken the reject of the theory of evolution to acting like a child refusing to believe that he was a mere mistake that his parents made. He wasn't a planned child, he couldn't have been loved if he was just a mistake. Is it just because finding someone that actually cares about you is truly a rare gem? Is it because people can turn on you and hurt you deeper than you thought possible, and the only person that you can depend upon is yourself and your imaginary friends?

Are we a sexy society? Random and off topic, again.

2007-11-08T13:26:00.000+11:00

Everything seems to be about sex. Let's take a day to day example, you're at a restaurant.

You don't want to order the burger and chips drenched in oil because you've been feeling fat.
Fat relates to attractiveness which relates to sex.
In the event of a highschool situation, you want to be cool.
You want people to see you as attractive,
So you'll eventually get sex, have more sex.
You go to uni, you try getting into a course that'll make you a ton of money
So you can attract more women if you're ugly
So you can eventually get sex or have more sex.
You fall in love, so you can start having sex.
Sex
Sex
Sex

Everything is related to sex and people not getting any sex are unhappy. People not getting quality sex tend to be unhappy too. I suppose that's why vibrators, vibrating pussies, vibrating condoms, cock rings, pornography, prostitution, sex toys and swingers parties exist. Currently, it is quite liberal but I don't believe that people weren't into trying new things and spicing up their sex lives in the past either. Curse abrahamic religions for making the majority think that sex is a dirty, disgusting act. Well it could be, if you were really gross, hairy and sweaty but you know what I mean.

It is true that men think about sex more often than women, but I think it should be accepted, or at least acknowledged that women do think about sex too. It seems a shame that women are forced to live this life where, a woman having sex as often as men is deemed a slut whereas men are allowed to have sex as much as they like. Even be congratulated on it, but women are shunned. Sexist.

There should be educational programs for children that are deemed old enough to have sex. I personally think it's ridiculous that teenagers aren't allowed to have sex until they're 16-18. People were getting married and having sex as soon as puberty hit and this practice only stopped about 2 generations ago. Even the previous generation, at least in my part of the world, got married really early as well. It's considered better to have children then as well, because your eggs are still fresh and sperm is most virile and the best you'll produce. Still though, putting off the time at which teenagers have sex is a possible cause of the angst and frustration that teenagers seem to have. The whole concept of a teenager was only recently invented anyway.

I think it's more pertinent to have safe sex information rather than force the children not to have sex until a particular age. It just isn't natural, if all the other animals in the animal kingdom are not doing so, why are we?

Can you spell backlash?

My mind's a blank - I'm bs-sing

2007-11-07T00:41:00.001+11:00

I personally do not really believe in good and evil. I get irritated when people simplify things to something black and white. It just doesn't work that way, in a lot of cases. Like the poor man who steals so he can buy his dying wife some medicine that he can't afford to keep her alive. Technically, society should be helping the less fortunate instead of allowing a man to resort to stealing in order to keep someone else alive.

Good and evil, like when I hear my mother talking about how she hates lions because they kill animals. Pfft, why don't people like this just turn vegetarian? It's one thing to be annoying and vegetarian, it's another to be selectively caring of an animal's fate. Sure, the abattoir doesn't involve people running after zebras and strangling them to death, but surely people recognise that the slabs of meat they engulf everyday has to come from somewhere? Just because it comes on a nice styrofoam plate with hardly any blood and backed by very bright lights doesn't make it better, it doesn't diminish any responsibility. We're able to just go about doing what we do, without any thought to where that meat comes from.

Who knows where the meat comes from anyway? Have you ever been in an abattoir? Have you ever seen the slaughtering of cows, goats, sheep? How am I supposed to know that the shitty, cheap beef in the supermarket isn't from somewhere else like cat or dog? Could you kill an animal yourself? Our society now, where people cringe at the thought of slicing a chicken's neck open, I can't help but wonder if this is a good thing.

Then again, that's something to think about as well, the act of just not thinking about things which leads us to live like blind men.

The science of addiction - Opioids

2007-11-03T23:55:00.000+11:00

Addiction: compulsive drug seeking

Repetitive drug use, often with known harm

Assoc with tolerance: escalating doses to achieve same effect (metabolic or neuroadaptation)

Withdrawal symptoms (neuroadaptation)

Drug craving and associative cues (neuroadaptation)

Heroin excite dopamine containing nerve cells in nucleus accumbens

Heroin is metabolized to morphine in the liver which acts on miu opioid receptors in the nucleus accumbens.

The miu opioid receptors are GPCR, the GPCR phosphates phosphorylates internal binding domains of opioid receptors leading to decreased ability to couple to G proteins. Linker molecules called beta-arrestens drag phosphorylated form of the receptor into the cell which in a process called internalization. By dragging receptor proteins into the cell, less receptors are present on cell surface which causes more tolerance to drugs. These phenomena may cause desensitization and a decrease in number of the receptors which can be attributed to tolerance.

Morphine acting on these miu receptors also cause opening inwardly correcting potassium channels which cause a decrease in the level of the enzyme adenylate cyclase. This in turn causes a decrease in cAMP which then leads to decreased excitability of the cell. Chronic intake then leads to neuroadaptive features causing a high increase in cAMP to cope. Normally, in the presence of chronic drug use, this causes a homeostatic balance which counteracts the excess excitability however in the absence of the drug, the excess cAMP production leads to excitability of the cell. This could be the mechanism through which withdrawal symptoms may arise.

Craving occurs when the mesocorticlimbic dopamine pathways are stimulated by morphine. The drug causes sensitization of the receptors which cause an increase in the release of dopamine. A long lasting change is that the increase of PKA and cAMP in mesolimbic dop system.

Dopamine acts on D1 and D2 receptors where D2 receptors cause a decrease in cAMP and D1 receptors cause an increase in cAMP. During chronic usage, D1 receptors become dysfunctional whereas the D2 receptors become super sensitive. This then causes the up regulation of D2 receptors.

This may be deemed as the first change that occurs in a sequence in changes. The mechanism of this action is quite unknown however, it should be noted that an increase in beta-fos B genes have been seen for days in subjects after chronic use. This could be as possibility of mechanism of action.

Bored as hell, useful procrastination

2007-11-03T23:18:00.000+11:00

So... How things work in your body is that you have cells, ok? And in order for the cells to communicate and know what's going on in their world, they have receptors. Different receptors for different chemicals, which cause different things and at different points of the cell life, etc etc etc. So now you have some basic pharmacology, here we go.

First I'll start with barbiturates and benzodiazepines.

Barbs
Drug name: phenobarbitone, pentobarbitone
Used therapeutically (not much anymore) as anticonvulsant agents and anaesthetics

Barbiturates work by enhancing activation of GABA A receptors, inhibiting release of glutamate and antagonizing activation of glutamate receptors. They work by acting on different combinations of GABA A receptors, increasing mean open time of GABA A activated chloride ion channels, slowing rate of dissociation of GABA and GABA A receptors, in high concentrations activate GABA receptors thereby increasing maximum effect of GABA and GABA A interaction.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter which is a little molecule which tells the cell to allow the influx of chloride ions so it becomes hyperpolarized. GABA actions are sedation, etc etc, you get the drift, inhibition.

Benzodiazepines: Diazepam, oxazepam, serepax
Benzos are used therapeutically as anxiolytics, anticonvulsant agents, muscle relaxants and sedatives

They work by potentiating GABA, increasing opening and closing frequency of GABA-activated chloride ion channels and its enhancement of GABA agonists and enhancement of GABA binding through allosteric modulation.

So that's how barbs and benzos work, benzos were the first million dollar drug available on the market. A whole array of drugs were released following benzos footsteps but newage benzos don't look much like conventional benzos anyway.

So you can die from using barbs but not benzos alone, if you want to kill yourself using benzos you need to drink alcohol too. On the other hand, you can also kill yourself with paracetamol and alcohol, that way you don't need to go to the doctor and waste money on the bill.

Onwards, amphetamines and cocaine affect catecholamine transmission and blockage in the brain. Cocaine is non-selective, competitive blocker that blocks Noradrenalin, serotonin and dopamine transport. It causes psychological dependence by triggering the limbic reward system.

Amphetamines, on the other hand, deplete catecholamine stores in the synapse. It works by releasing dopamine into the synaptic cleft. Amp travels into the synapse through dopamine transporters to increase concentrations of amphetamine in the neuronal terminal. The increased amphetamine concentrations releases endogenous stores of dopamine from vesicular monoamine transporters thereby increasing intra-neuronal concentrations of transmitter. This increase in concentration causes the reverse transport of dopamine via the dopamine transporters into the synapse, blocking the transporters ability to clear dopamine from the synaptic space causing the potentiation of dopamine action in the synapse for long periods of time. This also happens to 5-HT and noradrenalin but to a lesser extent.

Man I'm so bored.

I'm procrastinating

2007-10-31T16:22:00.000+11:00

Well fuck you, I've just done a few exam papers over the past few days.

I don't really have a vision for what this blog is supposed to be besides my bitch forum. I guess I can live with that. My stupid friend thinks that my blog is boring because I write too much sciency shit which is true in that respect. I think I've talked about this before where your interests tend to be more narrow when you start specialising in specific areas.

Oh well, I might get more interesting during the holidays when my mind isn't filled with science.

Anyway, today I'm going to bitch about laymen. Hi laymen, some of you are really irritating. There's the prevalent phenomenon of people calling scientists crazy, doctors quacks, etc etc etc. It's like look, just because religion gives you a straight out answer which is mostly: SKY DADDY SAYS SO doesn't mean that science is going to give you the same kind of satisfaction you expect. Science is completely different to religion in that we put all our theories through very, very strict and rigorous testing adhered to the highest standards and skepticism to ensure that once proven, is the truth. It takes awhile, but at least you know that it's closer to the real truth than voodoo sky daddy chronicles.

I think people should cut science some slack, of course we don't have all the answers and we can't expect to have the answers too quickly due to ethical, time and monetary constraints. There's a lot of shit we could be finding out at a much quicker and much more accurate pace if ethics weren't an issue, but obviously I am not advocating human testing. I am merely explaining that this is why we can't go as fast as you'd hope for us to. Furthermore, if you would prefer answers to your truths quicker, why don't you donate some money to scientific research?
Then there's the morals bs that's associated with the previous post. Sigh, whatever. I'm sure it's easier to believe that all scientists are crazy and made in the image of Einstein. Sheesh.

Oh yeah, and the worst ones among them all, CREATIONIST SCIENTISTS. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!? Nothing irritates more than hearing creationist scientists, now to avoid confusion it should be noted that religious people who're scientists are NOT THE SAME as creationist scientists. Creationists scientists set out to prove the creation theory. Look, it's not working. I'm all for the whole I'm one of the descendents of gods children theory too but hey, it's bs. You're supposed to be subject to the standards that are expected of scientists. Seriously such a disgrace.

Wait wait, what I find even worst than this is that National geographic and the discovery channel are cashing in on this creationist nonsense. You should be ashamed of yourselves. You get one really drunk and angry picture. Grrrr!!!!

Religious fundies should stop being annoying

2007-10-30T14:44:00.000+11:00

I don't see why people who don't believe in organised religion should be deemed immoral. Why should we be? Is there a higher likelihood of people committing crimes just because they don't believe in standard conformity? I don't understand why the concept of god and punishment must be present in order to instill values and morals into any human being. Sure, perhaps it provides a system of checks in order to ensure the fool behaves properly throughout his life. What else would be a better check than saying that your father equivalent is watching you do everything you do, so you better behave or you won't get any ice cream later.

I think, at least some of us have evolved or at least matured to a higher level where a human being is able to make his own decisions without the threat of punishment from sky daddy. I sincerely think that religions have got it all wrong, after you age to a certain point the threat of punishment shouldn't be an incentive for a person to behave. It might work on children, yes, but anything beyond that and you get dysfunctional adults who aren't able to think for themselves.

What stops a person from killing someone else? What stops somebody from just shooting you in the streets? Well, to say law enforcement would be hypocritical on my part although they do play a decent sized role in maintaining law and order. No, I would more say that people are inherently wired not to kill people. Normal people, don't really enjoy the site of blood, they don't like the thought of killing somebody's mother/father/etc, they just don't. Obviously this comes to play in the development of a child's psyche, he needs to be told what's wrong and what's right as well. You don't really need religion to do this.

I don't see why fundies are saying the world's going to end because of all the lawlessness and debauchery, tits on tv and all that tripe. Isn't prostitution the oldest career? Honestly, you should leave me alone instead of buzzing my door and wanting to show me jesus. I'll show you jesus in a second, you jerks.

I'll end up like one of those old people who yell at their tvs

2007-10-28T13:26:00.000+11:00

Sometimes it's better to keep quiet and let the person you're conversing with get away with snippets of false information. I can't stand it though, but I'm getting better, I promise. I'm trying to cool down this horrible temper of mine, slowly but surely. Now that I've obliterated the last bridge to a particular source of anger, I'm doing so much better.

I'll probably be an extremely grouchy older woman, who'll probably yell at her grandkids and tell them how, in my time, things were so much better, the sky was golden and people were made of chocolate marshmallows. Yes, chocolate marshmallows.

The reason why I was thinking of this was that, I picked up Jane Eyre again during my toilet breaks recently. It really irritates me to no end. I can't possibly comprehend what was going on through her mind at the time when she runs away from Rochester. Did she think that if she was his mistress, he would stop loving her eventually? Would he tire of her, did she think? Was she thinking of what other people would think of her, if she lived as his mistress when she was a poor governess? Was it really her self respect she was unwilling to sacrifice, or was it just that he wasn't perfect enough for her, yet.

What if the book was given an alternative ending, what would Ms Eyre think then, huh? Rochester has decided to swear off women for the rest of his life, he lives in the lap of luxury without a care in the world. Jane comes back to check on Rochester when she realises that her love has moved on. He might even realise that he's a jolly good gay old chap. She tries going back to him, he tells her that he's moved on and she ends up marrying St John, going to India and dying of typhoid, or malaria clambering on to that one moment when she could've spent some time with the man she loved.

And another thing, there's no such thing as the one. Sure, you might FEEL like there is the one, you might THINK that there is the one but there's no such thing as the one. It's a whole bunch of bs cooked up in order to sell roses and cards on valentines day and to make single people feel miserable. What one, what extreme, dramatic, holly/bollywood-esque love story could there possibly be? Would a guy really bother to sing from the mountain tops about how much he loves anybody? Would he run around on the street hugging and laughing with strangers about how much in love he's swimming in? No, because it never happens, because it doesn't work that way. Screw hollywood for destroying my shattered innocence.

Yeah adrian, take that for your stupid short film! HMPH!

Anatomy bitch

2007-10-25T21:14:00.000+10:00

I'm bitching right now because I think it is ridiculous that normal anatomy students aren't given the opportunity to perform dissections or just witness dissections being done. I mean, think of it this way, HOW'M I SUPPOSED TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SIMILARLY COLOURED PIECES OF FLESH APART IF I DON'T PULL THEM APART WITH A HACKSAW?!

I'm not going to jinx myself and say my anatomy course is really easy however, our exams are just looking at diagrams and naming parts of the brain. Of course this takes a certain level of skill, but it's ridiculously easy to tell things apart on a diagram. We should be given the opportunity to at least cut open a dead person's head and play around with his insides more than we're allowed to now. We might as well have tutorials at home, damnit.

So I say... SUPPORT SCIENCE, GIVE YOUR BODIES UP FOR EXPERIMENTATION! We really don't just play around with your body parts after you die, we swear. Scouts honour

I can't think of anything to blog about

2007-10-25T01:13:00.000+10:00

It's writers block again, I suppose. Well, not really actually. I wanted to write about memory formation in the brain but realised it was too geeky. I guess this is what happens when you specialise in any area, you tend to forget about every other thing that's going on in the world.

Anyway, just a brief summary:

Short term memory is done by covalent modification of existing proteins in the brain. This causes the enhancement of transmitter release which then results in the alteration of effectiveness of pre-existing synaptic connections. That wasn't too hard was it?

So once a new experience happens, you store it chemically in your brain.

Long term memory occurs through new gene expression and protein synthesis which causes a growth of new synapses and remodelling of existing synapses. If a PET or MRI scan is done, you can even see a morphological change in the nervous system.

Derp. Geek mode.

I have a heap of other shit like how messages are relayed through your brain, I'm doing a module of neuropharmacology and neuroanatomy now. It's funny how just one error in any pathway can lead to disastrous repercussions. Parkinsons, schizophrenia, alzheimers, all just a small malfunction of that pathway causing a chain reaction. The brain is such an intricate and wonderful organ that never ceases to amaze me.

GEEK.

Repeal S377A

2007-10-18T12:18:00.000+10:00

Normally I would take the geneticist standpoint in this debate however, I speak as a human being as this current juncture.

It's actually been awhile since an issue has come up that I've actively felt really strongly for so bear with the extra enthusiasm. Also, I'd like to state that I'm heterosexual and am currently in a relationship.

For all my international readers, S377A is a horrible law that exists in my home country, Singapore. Basically the whole debate going on now is how sodomy should be illegal.

For one second, isn't it possible just to think how you would feel if premarital sex was against the law? If you were caught having premarital sex, and you're doing it in the privacy of your own home, completely consensual, how would you like it if that was against the law?

I personally think that in this current day and age, a government should not be given so much power that it has the right to police people in their own home. A sexual act between two consensual people should not be deemed illegal. What kind of archaic society would you like us to live in? Isn't this just another slippery slope argument? I know the law is currently in place, but what would stop the government from making other laws? We should repeal it while we can, allow homosexuals to be who they are.

Sure, the Singapore government has protected us for so long, you can even walk home at 4 am in the morning without feeling afraid but this has nothing to do with crime. It has nothing to do with any moral safety that is present within our country, the uproar against repealing S377A is evidence that many uneducated and morally corrupt people live in our country.

Why should it bother anyone else if two men are having sex in the privacy of their own homes? This is not a debate about genetics, it's not a debate about anything else but human rights. I understand that we don't have a lot of rights are citizens of Singapore however I can accept that as it is for safety reasons. This has nothing to do with crime rates, prostitution is "de-criminalized" in our country, gambling is legal, aren't they much bigger evils than homosexuality?

I'm not in the country now, I can't say much else besides what's on this blog but I sincerely hope whoever's in power will do the right thing.

Uni work

2007-10-17T00:14:00.000+10:00

Sometimes, after hours of trudging on some work that I do, I feel like I need to share it with the world but only my marker will see it. Give me some marks for it, and I'll move on.

Ode to silence

2007-10-15T03:06:00.000+10:00

Why an ode to silence? Well, I got in contact with a very, very dear friend of mine a year ago. We lost contact 7 years prior, and he went to Canada while I stayed back home. I've known him since I was 10, we used to be neighbours at some point. He was there when I learnt how to ride a bike, when he caused my first accident by whizzing around on his rollerblades in front of my bike. Jerk.

I even remember this really juvenile thing we did once, well, we didn't really. We were around, and him and our other friend were flashing me their chests and said, we've shown you ours, show us yours to which I was quite flabbergasted. Hahahaha, they probably didn't even realise what they were doing at the time. It was still pretty funny though, but I bet most kids have that story to tell at least once in their lives.

So, I moved away one day and he used to ride his bike for half an hour to get to my place. It was really cool, we used to even talk on the phone every day just for fun. You know, kid stuff, again. I remember the first time I ever went out unsupervised was with him as well. We watched Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, of all things. It was really cool, we were really, really, really good friends until he went overseas and I lost my icq number and he lost my email address.

Well, I suppose NOW it's pretty obvious we had a thing for each other but never said anything about it. I've always been bad with knowing whether someone was interested in me or not. I remember being really young and thinking about all the other girls in school having boys confess their love to them and I had nobody. I remember the awkwardness, the thinking that it was probably because of my size or hair or whatever else.

Now that I'm an adult, obviously it doesn't matter so much anymore but would it have changed everything? Would I have had more confidence as a child? Would he and I be as close as we are now, still as close as when we were 11 years ago? I mean to have a person have feelings for you and remember them 11 years later, a person who knows everything about you, grew up with you, seen you with that horrible short haircut and the disgusting frizz you had that made you look like ronald macdonald on a horrible hair day.

Would I have wasted all my time with all the other nobodies I dated up to the point where I was 17?

There's no point mulling over it now, I suppose. I'm just glad that after so long, at least it's finally been resolved. I love you Nicky pooz, you're an awesome friend. I'm sort of glad nothing happened between us, because then I might have lost a really good friend along the way.

Weird turn of events

2007-10-13T17:49:00.000+10:00

So I've been spontaneously happy for some reason or other. Just out of the blue, I noticed this when I was at the end of a particularly busy shift but I was still smiley. I'm normally really tired after a hard shift, and this one was practically non-stop and with a few racist incidents but this time, this time I was smiley and mopping up happily. I don't know why, this's been happening for a few shifts now. I wonder if it's because of the increase in dopamine from exercise. Aren't we all just dopamine junkies then? Why should it matter if we get dopamine from the ingestion of a drug or the rush from sex or exciting events?

Evil Teachers

2007-10-11T16:29:00.000+10:00

I had a psychotic bitch for a teacher once. Well, she wasn't really my teacher, she was just around. You know one of them, completely ugly, nobody wants to fuck her, has a giant stick up her ass and grabs onto the tiniest bit of power when she has some.

She was a major fucking bitch. I'm not afraid to state that she was quite abusive and used to spend her time telling everyone that they wouldn't amount to anything, as if being a teacher who uses their authority to bully children was somebody great.

I remember this one incident in particular, it was after the big musical that my high school put up, years and years ago. I only remember this because it was so ridiculously stupid, and I really hope her bleeding corpse is found somewhere, sodomized and raped in all possible ways. Yes, I'm cruel, but she was a major bitch. And white people don't understand the power that asian teachers have over asian kids. We used to listen to that shit, all the time. We weren't allowed to lean on our arms at school, we had to sit up relatively straight and we weren't even allowed to take notes. It was ridiculous, like bloody Nazi camp. Most teachers were cruel and jaded with life, taking it out on the children.

Anyway, it was after the musical and I was helping the girl who sits next to me with some maths problems. She barges into the classroom, telling everyone how much she hates them and how stupid we are. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. Anyway, she tells us that we'd rue the day we had her as our teacher, she wouldn't let us get away with all our nonsense, and then she turns to me and starts attacking me verbally.

She screams at me, telling me not to speak.
I tell her that she has no right to scream at me, I was merely helping out my friend plus it was a free period anyway and I wasn't making an excessive amount of noise.
She screams again, something incoherent, basically how I'm a stuck up snob, etc etc.
Now, I AM a stuck up snob, but I really wasn't doing anything wrong so I kept telling her to relax and not to scream
She keeps screaming, saying that I shouldn't think that I'm a big shot because of a tiny high school musical, that I'm not the star of the school. Even if I was on television she wouldn't have any respect for me, blablablablablablabla.

Anyway, so she makes a ridiculous fool of herself and I've given up and just kept quiet even when she told me to apologize to her. Kiss my ass, bitch.

I can't remember her name, I just remember that she was some ugly flat chested bitch who was always picking on girls with bigger breasts. Not joking either. We used to call her the concave bitch because the push up she was wearing was folded in at one point. Anyway, besides the fact that she was a cross dressing psychopath.

Oh yeah, she tried getting me to dye my hair black because everyone else's hair was black. Now, my hair's naturally dark brown, and you can barely tell unless you're in a sea of girls with black hair. Anyway, she used to pick on me, telling me I had to dye my hair black to fit in. Of course I told her to shove it, I'm not Chinese, and my hair doesn't need to be black and I'm not going to spend money on dye to satisfy her racist desires.

She even bagged on my mom and I decided that was it. Mother and child went to school to complain, teacher left me alone. She left the school when I was in my last year of high school.

Bitch, I bet she's sucking off hairy old men for 20 bucks to get her next shot of female hormones.

Stabbity stab stab stab

2007-10-11T16:21:00.000+10:00

She walks outside, away from the crowds.
You can see the frustration in her eyes, the tense muscles across her face
She fumbles with her purse, it looks like the frantic search for something that will complete her
She finds it, she takes out a long, white cigarette and puts it to her lips
She strikes a match, the fire crackles and dance on tiny toothpick
She lights her prize, breathing in deeply
The end of her cigarette glowing, fiery gold beauty
The smoke fills her lungs and makes her complete
The world seems more beautiful outside, all alone
She's only bothered by cars wooshing by her
She does not need to bother with the crowds inside
She exhales

The smoke dances from her face
A small cloud of magical wonder, it highlights the night sky
She is content for now, she feels relaxed now
She slowly finishes her cigarette, slowly taking it all in until her dream dies
Her cigarette's gone, her smoke has all blown away until next time

The IT Crowd Season 2 Episode 3 - Smoking Room

2007-10-11T14:45:00.001+10:00

Hehehehe, I thought this was really funny. I guess non-smokers wouldn't because you're all a bunch of fucken commies. Hmph.

Sigh, last desperate attempt

2007-10-10T19:25:00.000+10:00

This is ridiculous, I just didn't exercise for a week and a half and I gained back all the weight I lost doing all the exercise I've been doing for months. It's enough to drive me to tears, I don't understand why this is happening but I still can't give up. I've decided that since I build up muscle a lot quicker than actually losing any damned fat, I'm going to do more weights than cardio exercises.

Stupidly enough, I have to do a stupid metabolic unit which is the same things the nutrition people are doing. I learnt that your body fights to stay at the same weight, and my body's a lazy pile of shit. Anyway, exercise counts to 30% of energy expenditure. The difference between exercising 1-4 times a week is very minute. If you want any results quickly, you should exercise everyday. Of course there's other considerations such as the amount of muscles you possess. More muscle, even higher basal metabolic rate that is, the metabolic rate your body possesses when you're resting, which accounts for 60% of your energy expenditure. Obviously exercise helps you, I'm not saying that it doesn't, but it doesn't really help you for weight loss.

You'll need to monitor your food intake, and try to increase your energy expenditure somehow, right? So, weight training coupled with my cardio won't be too bad, I guess. It's just ridiculous that weight just rushes back on me so quickly. Feels like a ridiculous uphill battle that I'm probably going to give up at some point soon.

IDEA FOR BLOGGER

2007-10-09T11:51:00.000+10:00

Having used blogger since I was 16, I don't really have that many qualms with it. The service has been pretty all right, the blogger community has blossomed tremendously in a couple of years. I do suggest however, that we should change the next post function on the top to something a little less gay. See, whenever I click that next post link, a few possible things may occur.

1) Separate language
2) I'll see somebody's titties
3) Advertising campaigns
4) Both titty and ad pages don't have the link on the top anyway, so you have to press back and hope you don't visit them again

I'm not complaining much, it is with the next post linky thing that I got to meet The Seditionist who has been really good to me and whose blog gives me lots of reading material. I've also met other bloggers through it, but this normally happens after a really long time clicking.

I propose that there should be a translating tool. I'm sure there's programs available to do this, just convert every blog into whatever language you are in when you view it. Imagine all the new people we would be able to speak to, after the limitations of language is destroyed?

I don't really care about the whole titty and ads thing, what bothers me more is that finding an interesting blog to read is like a momentous feat. Perhaps it would be better if the next post function was more refined, if it didn't turn up with the same blogs all the time, if there was less likelihood of seeing some girl wishing to suck me off on webcam, maybe there's heaps of blogs out there who aren't getting the recognition they should. I know not all blogs can be noticed for the month. COUGH.

Otherwise, I really like all my blogger friends. Even though we may not meet in real life, and probably never will, it is still comforting to have been graced with the knowledge that you exist.

I see balls of molecules walking around

2007-10-06T16:16:00.000+10:00

I wonder if anyone else has this problem. Every time I look at people, I tend to see them as walking balls of molecules. It's geeky and weird, I know, but I just can't help it. I see them as the product of their ancestry, the transcription and translation of protein meshed and synchronised to become a functional human being. Whatever they ingest, whether it's a glass of water, panadol or food, I imagine its pathways through the human body. The water making its way down till it gets absorbed, the panadol getting absorbed, metabolised twice and moved around, the food gets slowly broken down and molecules of interest get absorbed and passed around to provide a constant supplies to metabolic processes/stored as vesicles, etc etc etc.

When I was doing microbiology, I couldn't help thinking that everywhere was filled with microbes, microbes in my body, microbes in the air, the amount of microbes crawling all over my body living symbiotic relationships with other microbes to feast on my remains. Weird, I know, I've stopped doing it, I fear I'd become a major OCD hypochondriac.

Doing neuroscience, it helps to think of the parts of the brain responsible for various actions. My occularmotor, adjucent and trochlear nerves working in cohesion in order to focus my eyes onto this computer screen. Synapses in my cerebral cortex firing ions in order to make decisions, telling my cerebellum to relay the message to my spinal cord so that my fingers move their fingers to type what I'd like to express on my mind. Optics picking up to see whether the agreed lines and squiggles are portraying the message I wish them to.

I can't help it, it helps me learn and memorise everything I need to know but it drives me a little crazy sometimes. You can't help seeing a person with mutated arms and think hmm, maybe a thalidomide baby. You can't help seeing an obese boy and thinking Prader Willi Syndrome. You can't look at a mosquito bite without thinking that your macrophages were in overdrive and released histamine which has caused the site to be itchy and red. You can't help thinking that hayfever is tied in with asthma, alcohol's a drug and your liver undergoes necrosis if you ingest panadol while drinking. That the green in trees is due to the presence of chlorophyll pigments in chloroplasts while they're making oxygen from carbon dioxide which we breathe through our lungs, etc etc etc.

It's interesting, yes it is, but sometimes you need to take a break.

One decent holiday pic

2007-10-04T00:24:00.000+10:00

Yeah so this one didn't turn out too good. See, my friend and I were the only ones on our trip as I've mentioned before. So you can kinda make out my face and hers. Isn't she the prettiest girl you've ever laid eyes on?

So this was the one decent picture I have so far of the holiday. There's more coming, just slowly trickling by since we're now rushing to finish our uni work in compensation for our spontaenous holiday.

Isn't Australia beautiful? That's the first impression I got when I was flying over here for the first time, it was the first time I've seen cliffs and semi temperate like foliage. Singapore's a clean and green place, yes yes, whatever but it pales in comparison to Australia's natural beauty. Just look at that sunrise, it has to be one of the most gorgeous countries in the world. Then again, all the separate countries have little trinkets of beauty everywhere too.

I'm definitely going to go back there after my exams and once I save up enough and someone with a car's willing to come up with us. I'll post more pictures once I get them, we took a lot of scenery shots.

My love of nerds

2007-10-02T01:00:00.000+10:00

I've always had a soft spot for nerds. Always, always. It's not as if the whole rippling biceps thing didn't work for me too, it kinda did but not as much as brains. Obviously the really, really geeky ones were a big no, no. I have some standards, please but as long as you had some inkling of intelligence under your exterior, I am absolute putty.

I don't know why intelligence is my pantie wetter in particular. No idea at all.

Anyway, nerds get a lot of flack from a lot of people. It's not easy being good at your studies because you're normally taken advantage of since everyone wants your damned answers. They expect you to give it to them at your expense, thinking that you probably queefed it out of your vag instead of having to read the textbook for like 2 seconds to find out the stupid answer. Assholes. Even if they don't try to take advantage of you, you're called a nerd which is supposed to be derogatory as if I'd love to be a bubble-headed retard who can't keep her legs closed and doesn't have anything more interesting to talk about besides how she gets her hair so shiny.

Sigh, I'm being mean again but I really can't help it. Just sitting in a room with people who can't think beyond their mirror really shits me. It's all good to look nice you know, but if you can't go beyond that, it's disgustingly pathetic.

Anyway people should be nicer to nerds, I was lucky enough to have really good friends growing up but I've seen what people say and do to nerds and it's not cool. They're people too, in fact, they're probably more genuine than anyone else you'll ever meet so stop judging people based on their appearance and get to know them a little better.