My Death

I stopped writing this blog in much happier days. I was with the man of my dreams and everything was going my way. I graduated from my bachelors and undertook a phd. It has now been 3 years since then and I'm plagued with depression once more. So many things have happened since then and I have tried setting up other blogs but haven't had the capacity to stick with it. I suffered... am suffering from severe depression now. I think it has been at least a year while coping with the loss of my relationship, my family's inability to continue supporting my phd and only getting a masters instead. Yes, only. I know it sounds ungrateful but it took a long time to deal with not having the same opportunities as my siblings have had. And I know I'll need to make it on my own from now on and that's okay.

But in death comes rebirth, for me hopefully and since I cannot afford weekly visits to a psychiatrist (I'm still an international student, with little to no health benefits despite paying an exorbitant amount of money for insurance AND extras cover) I'm going to resort to this blog again. I do hope and believe that the power of the mind is powerful and at the very least I can take out my frustrations onto this page and pray that it helps me in some way. At the very least, I'll have a chronicle of my own self destruction. This self is not me, I am not this pathetic excuse for a person. I just got offered a brilliant position in an esteemed laboratory. I finished a post graduate degree. I am not an idiot, I am not stupid and I am not crazy. I just got lost and now I have to find my way back. I hope my story helps someone else out there, like me.