Intelligence? Nah

Sigh, before I start, I am not asking for validation.

You know, I honestly don't think I'm as intelligent as some people say I am. It's not that I'm being humble, I just don't think so. I think I'm somewhat smarter than average, but I'm not a genius. Then again, is it possible that the smarter you are, the more you realise that you don't know everything? Is it also possible that more intelligent people spend more time thinking and contemplating what is deemed nonsense by people of average intellect? Well, that probably goes without saying, but I am unsure whether people of average or lower than average intellect actually spend their time thinking or whether they're illogical. Is that even the right term? Probably not, however I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend how some people are unable to follow simple conversations. Forget about more complex issues, but just basic everyday conversation. Are they stupid, or did they just not bother to listen to you in the first place?

A friend of mine has accused me of changing my opinions to whatever the situation calls for. No, I do not. I'm just really bad at explaining my point of view and I've found that my thought pathways tend to be quite different from most. Maybe that's why people think I'm intelligent, I'm actually a nitwit who deduces situations incorrectly. It is quite possible, also in the past few years I haven't had much interest in much besides science and research so I'm quite behind in everything else. It's possible that I'm just very ignorant too.

Then again, what would you consider intelligence? Sometimes I just want to befriend a bunch of idiots so I can study them. They're incredibly fascinating! Blundering through from one mess to another, sometimes recovering, sometimes not. How interesting, I would dedicate my life to studying them if only to crack the mystery behind stupidity.

Sorry if you read this, childhood friend, but I remember something you said to me when we were younger.

"Why think about things that don't concern you like poverty? Who cares if there are starving children in africa, or pollution? Why bother?"

I was quite dumbfounded at the time, I didn't know that it wasn't normal to consider such things. Would a stupid person appreciate intellectual conversation? It's not that I haven't tried to have intelligent conversation with a stupid person, it's that they get angry at me for correcting them if they're wrong about something. I don't understand that, I would be appreciative if somebody gave me information on issues I was not aware of. I would love for a lawyer to discuss law and philosophy with me. I would be eternally grateful to spend some time with a philosopher. Mathematicians are a weird lot, but they're incredibly interesting and probably know more about the secret of life than they let on. Sociologists, criminologists, scientists of all backgrounds, hell, even historians and ethicists. Am I the only one who feels this way?

priest kickout

Yay, go christian team! Wooh! I don't think there's much I can say that hasn't already been said. I rest my case.

Different schools of thought

I can understand how it would be hard for someone who has been raised in only one school of thought to only perceive the world in different ways. For the purpose of this short and lazily done post, I will focus on two different schools of thought, one being an over-generalized view of western culture and an over-generalized view of eastern culture. I am fully aware that I may have an overgeneralized post of what I observe to be either culture, but as I said it is sufficient for the depth of this post.

In order to fully understand any culture, one must understand its greatest thinkers that influence the education that is generally taught. One must also attempt to understand the region's main religion, the conflicts between the main and conflicting religions, history of the region and very basic geographical location. Of course there are other factors to consider, but once again, very general view.

In a nutshell, the western culture is individualistic whereas eastern culture is more community-based, for the lack of a better word. There are many reasons why this is so, possibly due to western peoples lack of faith in their respective monarchies and corruption. That's not to say corruption wasn't ever present in eastern communities, it was just looked upon differently due to different influential thinkers. Compare the ancient greek thinkers with Confucius, the one who ruled them all. Compare the philosophies of buddhism and christianity. They're just two different paths to the same goal. Everybody wants prosperity.

I, is the basis of western philosophy. I deserve this, I work for MYself, I do things for ME. Eastern culture tends to focus on the collective whole. WE work together to achieve this, WE strive for a better that. Eastern work ethic denotes that you have to give your all, work much longer hours than the westerners are accustomed to, not get paid overtime and work hardest even taking over other colleague's jobs so that the may company advance. Western work ethic seems to (this is purely based on my observation) have higher wages, paid overtime, the worker strives for his own benefit so that he may get promoted, not necessarily for the advancement of his company.

I'm not saying one philosophy is better than the other, it's just different. What may be slave labour in one country is normal in the other.

The purpose of this post? Well, I've had exposure to the big eastern and western lifestyles. Of course, I've also had exposure to different religious communities as well. The main thing I've learnt from all this "exposure" is that a lot of things are relative in different cultures or religious/philosophical groups. What may be gospel truth to some people in one part of the globe may be viewed completely different in another part of the globe. Obviously it is the individual's right to think what he/she thinks is right to him, but what I find incredibly sad is that people are really horrible at looking at another culture's point of view and rationalising events using their perspective. People seem to think, there is one right, there is one wrong and that is that.

One very clear and annoying example, movies in hollywood. I'm making another assumption that media reflects society's views and ethics, although it may be the other way around. Anyway, working with this assumption, you get the idea that western culture believes that killing people is wrong, no matter what. There will always be a trigger/bomb happy army general who deems that destroying everything is the right thing to do, and he's always proved wrong, all. the. freaking. time.

Let me put a hypothetical example to you, a highly infectious agent in some rural part of america surfaces. It is extremely infectious, it stays dormant in your body for weeks and is transmitted via via air, water, or physical touch. Let's say air to make it interesting, even though ebola may be transmitted via all 3. Anyway, let's say this agent exists and there's no cure. It is so infectious that perhaps it spreads to 4 adjoining towns before anyone knows what's happening. Let's say it affects everyone regardless of age or race. In order to keep the rest of the country safe, isn't it logical that the 5 towns are quarantined, the people possibly treated like animals since they're going to die out anyway? It would be horrible luck for the people who're definitely going to die in those towns, but wouldn't that make it justifiable homicide, so that everyone else may live?

What if a 28 days later scenario happened, and it affected the eurasian continent? Wouldn't it make sense that the rest of the world should ostracize and prevent migration from any of the countries to preserve their own?

I digress, it kind of ties in with the whole jury issue in the legal post. The whole reason for a jury, is so that you are judged by your peers. These peers represent society's view on that particular situation, what society thinks the right outcome should be. Can one expect a jury made of christian westerners to understand the workings of the mind of a middle eastern muslim man? Nope, I wouldn't. Do you think he's able to understand your culture and philosophy? Nope. Is either side right? Who knows, I don't believe in good or evil. I believe people react to situations based on cultural and social experience.

I'm A Giant Douchebag

My philosophy is quite different to ecd's. Hi ecd! He's the proud author of a unique blog called In Search of Isis, unfortunately I have been too lazy to change his link from Thoughts-A-Spinning. Anyway, my very few readers, please go ahead and do read his blog. He's a really friendly and nice guy who replies to all your comments. He's also created a little web community right at his blog.

Ecd's blogging has come a long way. At first, a friend of mine and me were the only readers at his blog, but then more readers started coming. The consequence of this, is that he has to worry about what some of the other bloggers think sometimes. It's sort of like group dynamics but it's all good, we all love him and his writing anyway. He may be a weird little crumpet sometimes but it's all right, to me anyway.

See, my blog started as a personal journey and I intend for it to remain that way. I do not censor what I want to write, unless you know, I might get sued for it or if it gets too personal. I do not worry about what other people might think of me but what I wish to write about since that is the purpose of my blog, to write and express myself. It might not win me many friends, but the few ones I have are the ones worth having in the first place.

Light reading

So today I went on a mini shopping spree on boots and books. I bought a translated Qu'ran as I've never actually read the whole book through and through. I think it's important to be informed about the things I talk about, so here comes the Qu'ran. Obviously, I won't get the true meaning like if I were to learn arabic and read the original qu'ran but this comes close enough. The only translations I've had are at the mouth of some angry philistine who actually says that it's a woman's fault for being raped.

Yeap, this is what my sunday teacher used to say. I'm not saying that all muslims are bad, but more often than not you get a teacher who isn't worth the fungi that grows on shit. It's just a consequence of the system.

Anyway, I also bought War and Peace. I've wanted this books for ages and now I've finally got it. Wooh.

No such thing as justice

Some things you can't take back. You can't take back an action that has impacted someone's life whether it was a good or bad thing. Whether you have murdered someone, raped someone, given someone a present or had the best sex of your life with another person. You can't take these things back.

So, if someone killed my sister tomorrow and I got the government to murder him, is that supposed to mean justice? I don't think the destruction of one life necessitates the destruction of another. Is that going to bring my sister back? Nope. Is that going to reverse the action? Nope. So how's that supposed to bring me justice? I don't think anything could bring justice, or whatever preconception of what it's supposed to mean.

In the courts itself, how can there be justice? You just have two highly intelligent and manipulative people talking to a group of idiots about what the law (which in itself is written by a bunch of old prats about a hundred years ago) denotes how a person should behave. First of all, lawyers all have varying degrees of intelligence, experience, skill and case win ratio. So, unless you're rich and can afford the highly skilled, you're screwed anyway.

Then you have a judge, this judge probably is better off than you. He's probably going to be more educated, his language skills are probably better. All in all, he's living the good life while you, a criminal, let's say a thief for this example, is scrimping by everyday, wondering whether you can muster up enough money to pay rent, bills, groceries, whatever else. This judge has no idea what it's like to live the way you do, practically prostrate and at the mercy of anyone and anything else.

Scenario: You're working 2 jobs as a factory worker and you do say construction at night. It's not enough to pay everything like bills, kids, house, car and your wife's dying. Is it okay to steal? Nope, but is it better to let someone die? Isn't that why justice was around in the first place, to protect those who cannot protect themselves?

Then there's jurors. How do you even know these jurors are just and sound of mind in the first place? You don't, your life is literally in the hands of people you don't know. People whose separate life experiences and education might be the exact thing that might stick you in jail in the first place. Say... An arab might be wrongfully jailed (if he gets to trial in the first place) just by being arab. Arab's the new black. Isn't it great?

On a last note, law's better to have than not to have, I'm just stating my opinion which is that justice does not exist. People get screwed over all the time. I'm also not advocating utter anarchy because that's really dumb. Structure does breed prosperity, which is technically what we want isn't it?

It was just like on TV!

It's funny how much we rely on television and internet to give us life experience that we should be getting on our own. I think I've heard and said about a billion times, "Wow, that's just like on tv!" which is really dumb if you think about it. How weird we would seem to separate beings watching us. Here we are, just on the planet. The only thing moving are our hands. We get up once in awhile to secrete a liquid and once a day a solid. Both smell rank. We can sit stationary for hours, nothing moving but our eyelids and hands.

Maybe that's what people were afraid of, other people being hooked onto computers and mentally chained to a stationary spot instead of going out there and experiencing life.

I'm working myself into the ground

I've got two jobs, full time uni inclusive of 4 hour labs, a boyfriend and an irritating cat. I have no time for myself, not that I'm complaining because I enjoy what I do. I love bartending and I love giving tuition to lazy children for money, I also love my course, my boyfriend and my cat... Most of the time. What I am complaining about is the fact that any free time I have, I'm normally down with a fever or some other stupid illness. Honestly, how shitty is that? I've had to cancel going out with heaps of people just because of this shit.

Maybe I'm working myself into the ground, maybe I should quit one of my jobs and just chill out a little. I miss going out, I haven't gone out in months. I mean it's pretty all right, since my money's happily sitting in the bank collecting interest, but I'd rather spend a decent amount going out and dancing. Damn, I haven't danced in awhile. I still want to be able to dance as much as I can before my spine gives out in a couple of years.

On a nerdy note, (well obviously, what did you expect? Fucken glitter and nail polish?) dance has been used for eons for a variety of reasons. In each culture, a dance is like a snapshot of culture from the cha cha cha to the african crazy tribal dances to latin dances to even kibuki and other japanese dances. You can tell a lot of things from the dancing a particular culture does. More restricted traditional caucasian and older asian dances show a more rigid society, until rock and roll came about and a whole new rebellious generation jigged their way to more "let loose" moves. Latin dances are spicy, very sexual and work on the principle of male dominance. (Yeah whatever, any woman who says they haven't drooled over a latino dancer is lying) I'm not too sure why it's so sexual, maybe that's how they picked partners before but I'm just talking out my ass now. Then again they're a very beautiful people. Drool.

One of my more favoured dances (which deserves a whole new paragraph), has got to be hiphop. If that's what you call it. Anyone can dance to hiphop, it has the same basic beat for most songs and you can dance without knowing specific moves as long as you're not stiff. It's so dynamic and always changing that old skool is pretty different to current day dancing. There's new moves coming out at quite a rapid pace, making stiff idiots like me wish they could catch up if it weren't for damned work and uni!

Merf, I really want to go out, it's just like the highlight of my week is getting to serve people while they're having the times of their lives.

I am a sanctioned drug dealer

First of all, I think it's really sad that sanctioned drug dealers only get a 6 hour course explaining how to deal the drugs responsibly. Yes, I'm talking about alcohol, which is categorised as a drug pharmacologically. It is certainly more dangerous than smoking cigarettes, yet more people drink alcohol than partake in any other narcotic substance in the world.

Anyway my topic means that I'm a bartender, which is a pretty awesome job actually. Sometimes it gets really tiring but it sure as hell beats being a telemarketer. Man that job really sucks, honestly and totally sucks. It has to be one of the suckiest jobs in the world, I swear. Going back on topic, it's cool to be a bartender. On most nights it's not too fast paced so you get to stand back and observe drunk people and people on drugs. Okay, for all those stoners out there, we know you've been smoking a jay out back. We can smell it on you so stop trying to hide the fact that you're stoned. Basically we know when you're intoxicated and I sincerely thank you for providing entertainment on slower nights. You guys are hysterical, especially how you try to convince sober people like me that you're not drunk/high and that you'd like another drink (dream on).

I've also observed different kinds of drunk people. There are the ones who just sit at a particular place, rocking slightly, looking a little green with their eyes probably slightly closed.

There's the loud drunks who can't keep their footing properly and start fights with pillars.

There's the ones who keep their cool but stumble around once in awhile.

There's the obnoxious ones who think just because you pour them alcohol that you want to sleep with them.

I think alcohol provides a very comical and scary insight to the human psyche. You can observe a million different kinds of behaviour in a night. It can be funny watching somebody just make a complete fool of themselves but it can be terrifying to watch a fight going on with somebody ending up spewing blood all over the floor.

I have such an interesting job. Heh.

My Asian Background (It veers completely off topic most of the time, reader beware)

As much as I try to run away from it, I can't. It's not that I'm ashamed of being asian, I'm not, it's just that being asian has its disadvantages.

Example: In a typical asian home, whether you are chinese or indian, women are generally disrespected. We're normally the servers, the people who run around and do what men tell us to do. Our opinions hold no grounds, no basis, and first and the first priority is always... Men

Example 2: In a typical asian home, the younger ones are told to hold the older ones in much higher esteem. This means we have to listen to everything they say, all the time and not question them. I mean, that's all right, at least it taught me to respect my elders but imagine my surprise when I came to Sydney and you didn't have to address your professor by his/her title.

Can you imagine being the youngest female in my family? How many times people have said to me, who do you think you are, blabla you're wrong, two years later they're doing exactly what I said they'd be doing. Fuckwits.

Anyway, so hanging out with my friend's family made me aware of this once again. I had to be on my utmost best behaviour so that they'd tell MY parents that I was well behaved and let my mom feel proud of me because some stranger put me through my paces and checked my teeth. Shivers. Bah.

On a completely unrelated note, I also observed that children behave more like children around their parents. I tend to feel really young near mine, even though I'm quite comfortable conversing with my professors or employers/colleagues. My friend also tended to act more childish in front of her parents too. It was really nice to see that. Unfortunately this also breeds the wrong impression, her parents thought she hadn't grown up yet but she actually is quite level-headed and mature for her age. It's just that she reverts to a 5 year old when her parents come around. Same as me, I always was my father's favourite and I'll probably act like a 2 year old in front of my father for another decade or so. Then again my dad still makes baby noises at me, even though I'm you know, 21.

You know, going off topic again, when I was younger I always wanted to be a boy because they got to do cooler things. They got to play with cooler toys, decide more important things like what bomb to use to destroy the evil power rather than, omg, like what colour should my toenails be HEE HEE or let's play HOUSE AND SHOPPING AND FUCKING KITCHEN! WEEE!!! Grrrr.
Fuck you and your damned stereotypes and enforcing gender roles from a young age. RAWR! Boys get to have more fun, or maybe that's because I preferred doing boy things when I was younger. Even now, I envy the fact that men don't have to worry about bleeding once a month, or breast cancer, pregnancy, enforced gender roles that might disadvantage them, or other stuff like that besides being "emasculated". Bah. That's another topic for another day, I suppose, once again I apologize for my shitty writing.

Monster

I was totally hooked on this anime, Monster. Monster's 74 episodes full of suspense, drama and a tiny bit of philosophy in there, as the nature of most older based Japanese anime. Monster was about a doctor who was struggling with himself. He was a young and bright neurosurgeon who believed that all life is equal. It starts with him operating on an important official instead of somebody's husband, the husband dies and this plagues him. The next two patients for surgery are a young boy that's from a pair of twins and the prime minister. He decides to operate on the twin instead, which turns out to be a success, leading to professional suicide since the minister died. If only it stopped there, everyone who was in this doctor's way was killed in some way or other eventually driving the doctor to near insanity.

That's just the first couple of episodes, the series itself is incredibly interesting. I really enjoyed this anime, it wasn't filled with large breasted annoying people who go YATTA! all the damn time. It was set in Germany/Czechoslovakia so the light haired, blue eyed characters didn't seem out of place. They didn't have wacky hair, it was just a normal story about this doctor pursuing the monster that's causing mass murder in the world. There wasn't anything too outlandish for this series, which is what made it all the more enjoyable. I give the series 4.5 stars. Hahaha.

Today I quit smoking

Day 1

No, I have not caved in. I assure you I will pick smoking up again once my fever, sore throat, bloody throat, phlegm, etc wears off and I'm well again. Since I have to go to work sometime this week, and I need my strength and energy, I have to quit smoking for awhile. I never said smoking didn't exacerbate illness.

Anyway, I'll probably be grouchier as the days go by till I have my delicious and wonderful death stick.

Television was my babysitter till I found the internet

I went on holiday with a friend's family. It was nice, I got to be with a family unit which I don't get to experience much of since I'm far away from my family. That experience, will be talked about in a later post. For now, I was thinking of how much time I got to spend with my own family. My mother started working when I was 10, and my father lives in a separate country from me. My parents aren't separated, it's just that he's away on business most of the time but comes back once in awhile. It was all right, growing up. I've always been solitary, I didn't really need them there although there's lots of things I can't talk to my parents about. It's not that they're cruel, more the fact that my mother's quite conservative and my father's overprotective. Therefore, who did I have to go to for guidance? Tv

Tv was my babysitter/pseudo-parent. I'm sure there are many of us who think this way, whether we'd like to imagine so or not. Tv was there at all times, you could shut tv up when you wanted to. Tv never judged you, never beat you, never said that it was disappointed in you. Tv was the all-knowing information giant that you could ask anything and would eventually have an answer for. Well not everything, but you get what I mean. Whether it was how to act, what sort of decisions to make in a particular situation, what morals a decent human being should have (Utterly questionable). Tv could take you on holidays everyday, tv brought adventure and excitement.

Then came the internet. Internet was a whole new ballgame bringing on sights and even more information that anyone could have imagined possible. You can almost literally ask any question, whether it's something too adult or weird, and you may get an answer for it. Internet gave me a world to connect to other people, like you, reader. Internet also helped to satisfy my curiosity on a variety of subjects. Internet doesn't judge, so far as it's known.

Internet's the new babysitter, although it's unregulated so you're influenced by many things which one's parents probably don't approve of. Seriously though, isn't it better this way? Aren't children better off knowing rather than being in the dark about it? Wouldn't it be better to know, rather than little children doing things that you can't imagine doing. We've all grown up, we know what can be done. And it probably happens still, parents can't be watching all the time. Isn't it better if they know? If anyone had bothered to just sit me down and explain to me the things that adults refused to talk about when I was a child, I would've at least known the nature of what I was getting myself into. They don't though. I don't know which is more sad.

I'm back

Sorry my readers, I left for a holiday pretty quickly and forgot to inform you guys. It was really rude for me and I'm terribly sorry but it was pretty rush rush so... I apologize profusely for this.

I went on a holiday around the australian countryside. It was really nice, and I'll post pictures when I get them.

I'm too tired to write a real post, will do so tomorrow. Sorry once again.

Karma

I have decided to delete angry post and replace with a loving post. Perhaps if I ooze sweetness and love, I'd be less hate filled. So, one of the largest sources of happiness, has to be my boyfriend. How shameless of me. Anyway, besides doing the whole omg-he's-so-wonderful post, I thought I should mention more of the good changes he has brought in me and is continuing to do so.

I started this blog when I was in a real shitty place. I can't remember my old, anonymous blog but it was filled with hate and lots of spite. Lots of hate, I was so furious at my ex for mistreating me and myself for letting it go on for as long as it did. Then there were other parts of my life that I made grievous mistakes in, I should have known better but I did them anyway. It's been almost a year since then, since I left him for good, since I started on this road to recovery. It was hard, other more horrible things I can't talk about publicly, happened which all but destroyed me. I was, at this point last year, in shattered pieces of a person I used to be.

Time went on, my boyfriend at the time was a really good friend of mine. Trust me not to notice another person's advances, but he was there and he helped fix me back together. He was patient and kind, he waited while I got over the whole affair and gave me comfort when I needed it. He took care of me, he basically was a really good friend to me the whole time. Then things progressed, you know, blabla. I made a really good choice, we still get along after all this time. Hardly, if ever, have any full blown angry fights. He's still as sweet and caring as he was when we started.

I think all broken women like me should meet someone who can help them like my boyfriend helped me. He's helped my self confidence (I assure you it was much worse before), he's helped me with my self image, how comfortable I am with myself. Maybe I would have come to this on my own, but he definitely sped the whole healing process up for me. Yay for the presence of good guys out there, he restored my faith in men when I was just about to give up and turn lesbian.

Message of Rationality

You know, tonight I was reminded of something that happened to me a couple of years ago. See, I was staying with a friend of mine, and they're muslim right? His sister just blatantly bashed the fact that I'm agnostic and said ridiculous things like, "I hope you find a religion that one day." *Twitch
Now, I couldn't say anything, as I was a guest but I thought that was an incredibly rude thing to say.

First of all, where do people who have religions get off on telling ME how to live MY life? Huh? I think I have been quite polite on the whole matter, I just shrugged it off and ignored it as a good guest should do. I knew that if I opened my mouth that I would seem unappreciative or that I would have been the one to commit a social faux pas. (I think that's how you spell it) I may not have a religion, but at least I have something called manners. I've never treated a guest, be it mine or my family's like that. How rude. So I've decided it's time I go a little bit further with my message of rationality.

Moving on from the guest bit, I don't see why people NEED a religion. You don't NEED it, it might help you, but you certainly don't NEED it. It really irritates me that people seem to have so little faith in themselves that they need the justification from an invisible man who seems to live in the sky somewhere. I suffer from low self esteem too but no matter how much you pray or beg this invisible being to grant you self confidence, it's not going to happen. You have to make the change in yourself. Using your damned language as well, God helps those who helps themselves.

Why the hell do you need it anyway, are you that stupid that you can't make rational decisions by yourself? You know why you can't make rational decisions based on fact? It is because, since you were young, you have been brainwashed into believing in things whether they happen or not. You believe, you feel, you judge by feelings, by need, by this irritating and nauseating desire for magic and mysticism in your lives. You didn't think. You don't think. That's why you need OTHER people to do the thinking for you. That's why you need an invisible force in the sky, because you can't do anything by yourselves, because YOU are stunted.

It is my opinion, that the reason why atheism scares so many of you, is because more people are starting to see that rationality is what we need. Rationality is what brings us forward, it is the only thing that has cured diseases, brought progress, computers, vaccines, agricultural techniques, money, shelter, clothing, bloody everything. Did God magically beam a microwave down from the heavens and go, "I doth proclaim this the microwave. With this gift of magic and wonder, thy food will be warmed quicker than thy wildest dreams!" ARGH!

You know, religion is all well and good. It teaches you not to be a prick, blabla. That's fine, but why do you people think that people without religion cannot be good too? Not all charities are in the name of god. Why wouldn't it just be that it's a rational thought process not to harm your fellow man? Why not? I don't get it. Maybe one of you can explain it to me. It's hysterical, I feel, that atheists and agnostics alike haven't gone attacking people who have religions. We haven't caused a war, we haven't done anything, more than anything we respect our fellow man and do not volunteer a message of hatred to them. But you do. You beat up muslims and sikhs after 911. Why? Are all catholics responsible for raped altar boys too? I think a rational mind would recognise that not all muslims are terrorists, but how many people can testify to this?

Just watching the world, utterly scares me. It isn't the scientists who're causing war. It's you. So in the end, tell me, do you really think it's worth it? Or do you realise how much blood your respective religions have shed? All religions, all of them and I mean ALL OF THEM are responsible for some calamity or other. Have a think about that and tell me, why I need religion.

I need to stop being a snob

But I can't help it, I'm a snob, damnit and I am proud of it, although I shouldn't be. I'm even a snob at my job, which kind of sucks. I'm like one of those snooty waiters or snooty cashier people. My job has really put things in perspective though, the guy serving me behind any counter could be just like me, a uni student who's working to get some extra cash to do something awesome. He could be like my colleague, who's just finished her phd. He could be like my other colleague, who's been at uni for 7 years, has two degrees under his belt and does independent films. How awesome and interesting is that?

Or he could be a bum who couldn't get anywhere after high school. There, I said it. It's fucking possible. They could be like my colleagues in my old job in Singapore. I was a smoothie girl, I made smoothies with idiots who couldn't speak english properly and got mad when customers came to me instead because I don't give the impression that I'm one of them native people trying to barter in a language I barely know. It was sad, since that was their actual job, the whole smoothie business. I can't imagine, if at 30, my job's a fucking smoothie girl. I think I'd shoot myself. There I go, being a snob again. Then again, it's not as if they were from some foreign country with a degree that my country didn't recognise. They were born and bred there, and too retarded to realise that education might bring them somewhere. Bah, I'm going to stop now.

I don't know whether it's a fucking snobby thing for me to say that I uphold intelligence in high regard, and stupidity in low regard. I just can't help it, if it makes me a bad person so be it. I've done enough voluntary charity in my life to know that that's not true, in some sense. Yeah, shut up.

Yes, it's another self-glorifying post

I have recently uncovered more interesting things about my heritage. I have been more focussed on the paternal side of my heritage just because there's more information available and the fact that my paternal side is very proud of it. My mother's side is also diluted, however not as much as my father. Also, I never got to meet my maternal grandfather, he passed away when my mother was little so it was really hard for me to get any information about him.

I managed to, however and I'm trying to decipher what's been going on in that area of the family tree. There's quite a lot of confusion in that area, that I intend to at least try to figure out before the last link passes away, hopefully not too soon! Anyway, another reason for the previous caste post is because I finally learnt what caste my grandfather is, although it is quite unclear, which is incredibly annoying. I know he's a chulia muslim, that he left his caste when he came to singapore and that he was a fair skinned trader whose village/town/dwelling area was probably raped or intermarried by portuguese people. Heh.

I don't think a lot of people actually respect the indian culture or heritage, they look more towards their own. The indian culture is ancient, has withstood the test of time and is incredibly fascinating. The sad thing is, it is only known for its 7eleven clerks, stomach upsetting food (i love indian food, fuck you), smell and spirituality. There's much to that though. Much more. I beseech anyone to take a closer look at one of the oldest civilizations in the world.

The butt warmer

I've been thinking more about class and society lately. I was just thinking about this when my boyfriend called me spoilt. Bleh, I'm not spoilt, I don't think I'm spoilt, there are other more spoilt people than me out there who demand heaps of things that I don't impose on my own parents. I don't demand for my own car, demand for spending money or demand for extravagant things for myself. However I did demand a better education, does that make me spoilt? Perhaps it is a difference in contrast? I would obviously seem to be more spoilt to someone who has never had a maid before, or someone who can't afford sending their children overseas. I still work for my own money though, although I didn't use to. Was I more spoilt then? I don't think there's been that much of a change in me, anyway.

Anyway, what brought up this argument a couple of weeks ago was when I bought a butt warmer so that my ass doesn't freeze in winter. How does that make me spoilt? Yes, I would rather spend a few cents on a butt warmer rather than dealing with the cold porcelain. Isn't this what progress is, anyway? People invent things for money so other people's lives are easier? I am fully aware that I whine heaps, but sometimes I don't see why people just deal with stuff instead of making an attempt to make it better. It confuses and infuriates me.

Example: Some people would rather suffer weeks of sickness instead of going to a doctor once, and being well a few days later. I don't understand it, just GO TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR, EVAN! Grumbles.

Anyway, back to class and society. It's always interesting to consider this, as it is part of our social hierarchy. A friend has mentioned how stupid this is, that sometimes potential is lost in the lower classes due to absence of tertiary education but I guess all systems have good and bad. There's the lower classes, and the higher classes. In some cultures, there are caste systems which have obviously been banned in recent years but that doesn't stop the higher classes from still holding themselves in esteem. I can't say that I wouldn't too, in their shoes. Their caste has been the product of hundreds, perhaps thousands of years of eugenic breeding. I mean, you could obviously tell the difference between the lower and the higher castes, just by observing them.

I am quite aware however, of the horrible connotations associated with castes, the lower ones in any society are bound to suffer and it is probably heartless of me to mention anything other than that, but I can't help it.

Do we really need class and society? Would it be better if a society was treated equally although in practice that didn't bode very well... So I guess we're stuck with it, people aren't born equally and it is a harsh fact to come to terms with, however it is much easier to rise up in ranks in today's world compared to before, I suppose.

I suppose, wouldn't it be great if we could have a utopian society, however it would be pretty boring. Don't you think?

Flirting

I don't get flirting. I don't get how flirting works. In fact, I don't know HOW to flirt. What does it constitute of, and whether I do it naturally or not. People have said that I'm a natural flirt before, but I don't think so. What do you think constitutes flirting anyway? I just laugh a lot. Is that flirting? Jerks.

Live Earth?

I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks in this manner but I think that live earth is full of shit. Isn't is obvious that the very fact that the amount of electricity that went into powering the stages and stuff is ridiculously high as well? Not to mention the trash that will accumulate just by humans being around, the mass movement, etc. How can you say that live earth is there to raise awareness when it probably caused more damage in itself?!

I still stand by my earlier conviction, we don't care about the environment. We only care about ourselves, that we will be able to live on this earth. Sustainable development, keep the old animals around so we can look at them for our amusement. Peh. Why bother with this save the earth bullshit, I bet you're more likely to get supporters if you say save ourselves, which is exactly what we're doing. Rawr.

Such a sad, racist post

So, since I've been living further away from chinatown, and I haven't been in much contact with asian people as much, it has come to my attention that I can no longer tell them apart. Giggles. Oh, I'm horrible, I know. Shut up, I'm asian too.

Merf

I'm totally going to attempt to write an entire post in japanese. It'll just take awhile more to get the necessary vocabulary in.

Why is everyone my age having children and getting married!? I'm not even 21 yet, damnit! Why is everyone else taking the plunge? I can't imagine having a child now, let along having a child when I'm 17 or something. I cannot imagine being in that position, and although I do not disapprove of the fact that it has happened to a fair few of my friends, I can't imagine that happening to me. Please, if you guys read about this, I'm not one to look down on you or anything, it's just that if I were in your position, I really don't know what I'd do.



I can't look at myself as a mother, I can't even picture myself with a child. Shivers. Kudos to you guys.

I find blood donation weird

Then again, I find the fact that you would use a human for a factory is very weird. Perhaps it is because I hold humans to a higher standard, or I just don't like the idea of someone using my parts for other people. It's probably because I'm an extremely selfish person but I grew my own kidneys, I made my own blood and my eggs are my own. Is it wrong for one as myself to take a look at life in that way? That all these items which I have grown and are a result of millions of years of evolution, that I do not want to share it with anyone but my children? Is that selfish?

I find the idea of selling your hair for wigs, weird. It's not just about the fact that wigs are creepy, but it grew from someone else, it's from their genes, they grew it themselves, with the nourishment that they had, existed with them for awhile, saw the things they see and then got chopped off for money. Truth be told, the erythrocyte (red blood cell) has a very short lifespan, and my erythrocytes would probably die earlier in me than helping out somebody else, it's still mine though. A part of me, to be given up to someone else...

Is that selfish, that I don't want my body parts to be used by someone else? What if he's a pervert who rapes babies in his free time? What if he's a mean person who slaps women around? I don't want any of my blood flowing through his cursed veins. It's probably because I'm selfish.

On a completely different note, I propose that if we are already advocating the sale of hair, eggs, skin, etc, we should sanction organ donation. They're already doing it anyway, the very fact that it is banned has raised the price for all and lowered the standards in health care that should be met. There should probably be a system of checks and balances to the organs don't fall into the wrong bodies, so to speak. Until then, please don't blame a destitute man for giving up a kidney in order for his family to have a better life. Wouldn't you?

(I wouldn't, but then again I'm not in his situation. I am so warped.)

Brushing up on languages

I can speak about 5 different languages, but I haven't had any practice in awhile so I think you could narrow them down to about 3. I used to be able to speak mandarin and japanese not too bad, unfortunately years of living overseas without any chance of practice made me really rusty. In order to combat this, I've decided to watch more japanese shows with a dictionary until I get better. My sentence structure's already there, I just need to know more than curse words. I hope one day to take up German, or at least Dutch, but you never know.

Ganbattene?

I am a big person

I am officially obese. I looked down at my belly and I realised that I have gained two or three people. Heh. Hehehe.

Self righteous hippies

I like observing things, and in this instance I observed that hippies only form in places where they've got an abundance of everything that they're able to forgo their pleasures and nag at everyone else. Can you imagine a hippie in africa, with starving children everywhere going, "Hey, SAVE THE PLANET!" Stop industrialization, stop any progress, save the trees! It's okay that we've screwed our ecosystem but we're rich and you have to starve!

In my humble opinion, fuck the trees. Fuck the earth. I'm not saying this because I'm callous and cold, I'm saying this because the trees and the planet has been there for eons and will continue to be there for eons more after we've all died. The only reason why we're saying save whatever is so that WE can survive. Not the trees, not the earth and anyone saying otherwise is lying to themselves (unless you're a nature lover). Even so, nature is harsh and cruel, only the toughest survive for the next generation and that's why we're so wonderfully adapted to our lifestyles.

There's a case in london, where there were dark coloured moths and light coloured moths. Due to the fact that it was so smoggy and dirty in london, nature naturally selected the dark moths in favour of the light moths as the light moths were more visible to prey. This is just one small instance of how evolution works. Whatever fits, survives. Even if we had a cataclysmic disaster, there will still be life on earth, something will survive. It may be us, it may not be us.

Nature always finds a way, I do not doubt that. It will find a way after we're gone.

Oh yeah, for idiots who push extinction like it's such a horrible occurence, extinction happens all the time, it is not a new phenomenon that we have magically invented due to our presence.