This post is obscene

I SAW AN ASIAN GIRL WITH BIGGER BREASTS THAN ME!!!! Yes, it is obscene but you can be surprised the actual reaction to large breasts in the land of the stick-thin. I wanted to take a picture of her, but thought it wasn't prudent to do so. And I know she didn't get any work done because she wasn't wearing a bra and they were sagging. That aside, YAY. Another outcast like me. I'm sure all females can tell you their lists of utter insecurities. For me, one of them is my boobs. I'm not outlandishly large, compared to females of the white females however it was a fact quite frequently pointed out to me as a teen. By the way, this game of spot the bigger boob started when I was bitching about being the only asian person with boobs and my boy insists that there must be someone bigger. So yay. I know I have nothing better to do.

Hannar, boh liao lah. Bitches.

Oh yeah, adding onto that

My muslim friends have said I shouldn't put islam down as it is hard enough for them as it is. Well, here's the thing. I didn't say how hard it was for me to leave. It is something I grew up with, and it still gives me some comfort, many people think the easy way is to give up. For me, the hardest thing was to let go. I loved islam, and I was willing to remain one, however intellectually unable to find any reasons to is what made me left. I would like to repeat that I do not believe in all religions, not just islam. As I stated, I could not find anyone that I could firmly believe in, learning about all of them has further given me reason to become agnostic. The previous post was not meant to be disparaging islam only, just a brief account on what I could write volumes of, why I left.

It was not easy to leave.

Agnosticism : The ever-questioner - The journey to becoming one

This idea should be credited to Lance Abel, I've stolen his idea and I'll state it now before he gets pissed off at me.

I suppose my journey started when I was in primary school. As I have said about a million times, I was born muslim. I've had the usual sunday school training. All history and ethics have been taught to me. I was like every other muslim girl, I covered my hair to go to school, I read the Quran, I prayed, refrained from pork and all other good devout muslim things. Albeit I was always a rebel, but you know, I dare say I was devout. Anyway, back to the journey. It started when I was questioning the whole logic of religion. Simple things like, if God made the world, what about all the other people who weren't divulged to the knowledge? What happened to them? Perhaps it was my exposure to a large body of christians. (I was in an anglican school for primary and high school) I was exposed to a large amount of christian teachings. Instead of heading off to the library I would sit in during chapel and listen in. Of course being young, I admit I felt a higher moral ground because of my islamic background and wanted to know the idiosyncrasies between the two. I was wrong. A lot of muslims don't realise the relation between christian and muslim. I was taught something wrong, so that led me to question more. What are the similarities, what are the differences? Why there are two testaments in the bible, and why isn't the quran isn't allowed to be printed in english. If it is, why isn't it showed the same reverance as the arabic version.

In high school, my parents told me I was of a jewish descent. Let me explain this, I live in south east asia. The family thought it prudent not to divulge to their children that they were jewish but dutch settlers instead to protect us from the muslim majority in indonesia. Even though I was raised in singapore they gave it the same logic. No, I don't really look jewish since my dad married a chindian. So that was the logic. At this time, I started researching about judaism. More similarities between the three religions. Then I realised a chronological timeline of the three. Then you start to think about the source. Who's the torah written by, the bible and the Quran. I will limit this to the Quran. If it really was the word of god, who wrote it? The history and source of this shocked me. It wasn't like what the teachers in islamic school said. In fact, there're a lot of things the teachers didn't tell me.

I guess among the first points of contention I had were about the prophet himself. His lifestyle bothered me the most, his wives and paedophilic ways. Then there's the actual Quran itself. Its language, and the lack of care put into translating it. I will not criticise the prophet too much, but the Quran, I must. I don't see why it has to be only in arabic, I don't care if that was the language chosen, but if there was a God, I don't see why he would only bother telling some part of the world of his teachings or existence. Furthermore one has to question the human influence in the actual religion itself. A lot of power grabbing schemes seem to be put into it. You can't question, you have to have faith. You have to do this and that, for no reason other than that's what's expected of you. There's a lot of bullshit flying around, and as soon as a question arises you are threatened with the prospect of hell.

I left my religion after highschool. I'm sure I could have converted into another one, which is exactly what I set out to do. I read up on all religions I could find. The different schools of christian thought, buddhism, hinduism, I even expanded my search to ancient religions of the greek and egyptian gods. Definitely not as extensive as a scholar, but it gave me an idea of how religion is formed. Why people then needed it, and why I don't.

A lot of atheists will tell you, agnostics are cowards who can't make up their minds. I do not know whether there is a god or not. However, it is the sum of my experiences that make me believe there is more likely to be one, whether he be an all-guiding force or an actual omnipotent being. Like a spiritual journey is an individualistic one. I do not profess to know what he is or what he wants us to do. I dare say if there were such a being that created the cosmos, his rules would be completely different to our own and there wouldn't be any point in guessing. Ever since I've left organized religion, I have never felt more relieved or happier. It is what suits me best, I'm not saying it suits everyone.

P.s lance, I know I didn't write as good an article as I should but I have too many critical things to bitch about and many muslims friends. To them, I'm sorry, I know it's hard for you too. It definitely was for me.

Lipstick is a double edged sword.

Some people tell me lipstick is the female liberator. It allows for a female to beautify herself, her face is a palate for expression. The lipstick is a woman's weapon and brand of independence. I'm sure we've all heard the feminist argument, and all know the infamous burning of the brassieres. However, I find that lipstick is a double edged sword to me. Granted in stricter countries, women aren't allowed to show their faces however in a situation where violence and cruelty reign, would you actually want to put yourself in a situation where you would draw attention to yourself as a female? Especially in situations such as those. Growing up as a muslim, I too have felt the pressure to cover myself. In the hot and humid environment of my country, I have covered my hair during religious classes and going through that experience, I understand why modern women would find it a prison rather than a safety guard. Well, the original purpose and incorrect religious ramifications aside. But, as usual, I digress.

This is the amount of work women put into just their faces:

Lipstick, accompanied by various tiers of the different make up groups. This is the amount of thought that goes into it, usually. Basics is foundation, naturally, the right kind of tone for your skin. The powder or liquid. How long are you going to be out for? Night or day, formal or informal. Remember to smooth out evenly, paying careful attention to eyebrows, roots of hair and neck. Eyeliner? Full length or halfway. Bottom or top, maybe even both. Mascara? Depends on what kind of look you'd like to achieve, thickened, or just space the lashes out, both. Eyeshadow? Blush? What sort of stroke to use with the blush. Liquid or powder. I missed out one, whether you pencil your eyebrows in or not. Ensure it is plucked. Size and shape of eyebrow. Lastly, the evil lipstick. Outline with pencil? Lip gloss, what kind. Lipstick? Puffs your lips? Normal, hydrating? Smooth colour, adding another layer? Ensure blotches are covered up. The more skilled take into consideration skin tone and hide accordingly. Of all these, colour coordination. Make up must match clothes. Bags have to match with shoes. Everything has to match up, in order not to create fashion crime.

The women who follow this meticulously are to be admired. Well, they are admired. If the right formula has been used with the right sort of judgement then you create a masterpiece. Beauty is pain. Etc. Frankly however, look at the amount of fucking work you have to put in. It's fucking insane. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm still young, or perhaps I don't feel that a canvas is the true representation of one's self.

I for one, abhor make up. I hate the smell and I hate the fact that I can't rub my eyes when something gets in my contacts. I personally feel that make up is also a means to hide your face. You hide behind these shades of colour, obviously uncomfortable with your own naked skin. Yes, I know I know. It's called beautifying yourself. But why beautify yourself? Because you don't feel beautiful enough. Therefore, you are unsatisfied with your face. I'm not preaching going out al naturale. I'm just saying it creates this sort of situation. A woman without make up normally feels nude and unprotected. Make up gives confidence, but it is also a crutch. It makes you beautiful, but in its absence you feel ugly. Colours and tones and layers hide your true face, but that's okay. The make up will keep you pretty for another day. It is the female double edged sword.

I like walking around with my plain face. It's only me.

Ugh

Social... Fuck... Crap.... Why don't people ever believe you when you're genuinely too sick to go out? Because... No one gives a shit. DARP. BAH

Zouk is the shiznit?

No it isn't. Hell no. NO! It's really crowded. In fact, it's ridiculously crowded. Why don't they have crowd control here? It's... It's ooookaaaaaaaay... The drinks are expensive, except for the one for one deal, I suppose. 48 bucks for a jar, it used to be 40 bucks. It's fucking expensive man. I don't even get half this broke when I go clubbing in sydney with crappy cover charge and no free drinks. What I like about zouk, is that they have umbrella service when it rains. I think that's very nice and thoughtful, what I don't like is the extremely crowded club. Maybe it's because of its popularity, however you really shouldn't overcrowd your clubs like that. It's fucking insane. Bah, I blame asian work ethic. Blah.

Saddam's dead

I don't really have much to say on this topic. I watched a recording of his death on a mobile phone. I just have one question since it was pretty unclear to me. Did they drop him down before he was allowed to finish his prayer? Because he said, "roughly translated to english" I believe in no other God than Allah, and that Muhammed is his prophet. But he was cut off before he said prophet. I couldn't really tell whether it was him saying that or something else. If it was him, wow, how much greater his killers have shown themselves by not allowing a man his last words. I remember being taught that in Islam, the last words you say are supposed to be that. Every muslim knows it by heart, says it before they sleep, and is instructed to say that on their last breath. He may be a dictator, he may be "evil", but still. It just seems wrong to me.